Do You Need a Divorce Lawyer? Here's How To Decide
Especially when you need to establish custody of a minor child, a lawyer can be a great help to you in your divorce. Many parents do represent themselves, however. It depends not only on what you can afford but on how complex your legal needs may be.
Talking to a lawyer on a tight budget
Parents with limited funds sometimes pay just for an hour or two of legal consultation. They may discuss their situation, get some insight, and build up their confidence that they're on the right path.
Another option is for the parent to complete as much of the divorce paperwork as they can handle on their own, and pay for an unbundled service (a specific task) if they get stuck.
For example, many parents use an app to write a parenting plan and a visual parenting time schedule. They may choose to do this on their own (separately or together), without a lawyer.
You can customize this to fit your situation with Custody X Change.
They might ask a lawyer to help them with a different task, like setting up a small education trust fund for their child's college tuition.
Legal information versus legal advice
It's common for divorcing parents to have general questions about how the law works and what the court process is like overall. That's legal information.
For example, someone may ask: "Do divorced parents have to contribute equal financial support for their child? How are they held accountable?" The answer to that question involves the child support (maintenance) guidelines for their location.
You can get that kind of information from a walk-in legal clinic, a library or the internet. You may be able to remain anonymous, and you may not have to pay anything.
By contrast, when you have a more personal question, especially if you're asking about what you "should" do, you're asking for legal advice.
For example, you might say: "I want custody of David. I think I have a strong case, because he has a learning disability and Susan makes little effort to help him with homework. What should I write in my court filing?" That's asking for legal advice.
A lawyer who advises you, even briefly, may want at least a formal introduction (for example, by having you fill out an intake form and make an appointment), and you may need to pay for their time.
Divorces with complex issues
Many cases are more legally complex than they appear at first. Consider at least consulting a lawyer if you have any of these situations:
- You'll co-parent long-distance.
- Part of your case, e.g., parentage or child support, is in another state.
- You expect disagreements over whether to sell your house, when to put it on the market and how to split the proceeds.
- Your child has special needs and you're concerned about how you'll provide the best care for them.
- You and your co-parent have strong disagreements over values, e.g., your child's religious instruction.
- You, your ex or your child are LGBTQ. (Seek a lawyer knowledgeable about LGBTQ issues.)
- You need to prove your ex's wrongdoing (e.g., cheating) because you're seeking a fault-based divorce.
- You anticipate you or your ex are about to have a dramatic change in income.
- You worry your ex is hiding assets or wasting money.
- Either parent needs ongoing help, like psychotherapy or disability support services, to properly care for your child.
- There's been abuse or neglect, including problems caused by substance use.
- One parent requires supervised visits for the child's safety.
- You'll need supervised child exchanges to prevent fights between parents.
Even if the lawyer tells you there's an easy solution and you don't need to worry, you'll be glad you asked.
Your lawyer's personality and style
Lawyers often gravitate toward a certain kind of client or type of family situation. It can depend in part on their "people skills."
Some lawyers are good at intimidating their client's high-conflict ex, others are sharp at investigating whether the ex is telling the truth, while many others shine at bringing a polite, cooperative energy to the negotiation table.
Some lawyers specialize in short-term marriages, and others in "gray divorce" where the spouses are old enough to be grandparents. Many work with parents who have minor children living at home; these lawyers often have additional backgrounds in psychology, social work or mediation.
When you speak to a lawyer whom you're considering hiring, tell them what's really going on in your life so they can give you a sense of how they'd address it. This can help you decide if you feel comfortable sharing information with them as well as comfortable with their recommended approach.
Hiring a lawyer
If you can afford to hire a lawyer, or you can find one who can work within your budget, it's usually worthwhile.
A legal professional:
- Knows what the law allows or forbids
- Completes paperwork, including filing a motion to move your case along
- E-files (usually) using the local court's computer systems that might not be available to you as a nonlawyer
- Stays calm when you're upset because they're not emotionally invested in your breakup
- Sees your situation from an outside perspective and gives you unbiased feedback
- Coaches you on how to tell your story to the court
- May narrate parts of your story for you at a court hearing
- Helps you assemble relevant evidence to prove your point
- Asks your ex for information you're entitled to have (like pay stubs)
Experienced family lawyers develop intuition about what's likely to happen in a given case. They can help you ask for a child custody arrangement or financial award that's realistic for you. They know how the local judge tends to apply the law. They can anticipate if a situation you're facing is likely to be a complex problem or will be no big deal.
Even if your lawyer doesn't win your whole case by getting you everything you ask for, having a lawyer usually improves your outcome compared to what you would have gotten without any lawyer at all.
Your ex's perception of your lawyer
Letting the other parent know that you have a lawyer can be one way of setting a boundary with them. It may force them to acknowledge that the relationship is over. It can set an expectation that they should contact your lawyer (not you) during the court case.
If you worry that your ex may feel unmotivated to participate in the divorce proceedings, the presence of your lawyer may convince them to take the court process more seriously. Sometimes exes stop picking up the phone for each other but are more willing to answer the phone when lawyers are involved.
How to respond when your ex gets a lawyer
If your spouse has hired a lawyer and you believe they may be preparing a big request, ideally you should have a lawyer too to represent your interests. Getting your own legal representation can balance the power dynamic and help you get a fair outcome.
Tell your lawyer what you believe your ex wants. There's more to your divorce story than was written in the brief complaint for court, and you and your ex are the ones who know that story. Your lawyer needs that information so they can strategize.
When each spouse has their own lawyer, the lawyers typically communicate with each other. If you do need to speak directly to your ex or their lawyer, try to remain courteous.
Even if — by coincidence — your ex is a lawyer, your divorce may not be much different from anyone else's. A lawyer knows that their own divorce will be too emotionally charged for them to represent themselves effectively, so they usually hire another lawyer to represent them.
Going without a lawyer
Some people really can't afford a lawyer. They may turn to other forms of professional assistance, like alternative dispute resolution methods, including mediation. If doing so results in a fair settlement, this support may be enough for them.
Some parents reach a settlement without any outside help at all. One parent may make a generous offer to the other including child support, spousal maintenance (alimony), and other division of assets and debts, and both may agree to work together to care for their child. If the parents are content with their arrangement, if it's good for the child and if the court approves it, maybe nothing more is needed.
Depending on your personalities and the history of your marriage, it's possible that involving lawyers may only escalate your conflict and expense. If the two of you are prone to unproductive fights, going without lawyers may be the right path to minimize your conflict and expense.
Sometimes parents discuss divorce, and even separate for a while, yet decide to stay married. They may make that choice for emotional reasons (forgiving each other), pragmatic arrangements (caregiving for a disabled family member), financial motives (keeping health insurance), or something else. If there's a real chance you may stay or get back together, then hiring a marriage counselor may be a better choice for your family.
If the state sends a lawyer
In child support cases in the U.S., the state may assign a lawyer. This happens particularly when one parent receives public assistance. The state wants to recover funds, so it sends a lawyer to help establish paternity and ensure there's a plan for both parents to financially support the child. In this kind of situation, the lawyer doesn't represent either parent; the lawyer represents the state.
The state's lawyer tries to move the case forward and resolve it according to the local laws about parentage and child support. You may feel that they're helpful, and their assistance may be enough for you. But if you want to ensure your concerns are heard, consider hiring a lawyer to advocate for your interests.
How divorcing parents can save money with or without a lawyer
While you're asking yourself "Do I need lawyer for divorce?," you can take a step that will help you stay organized and save money regardless of what you decide: getting a co-parenting app.
The Custody X Change online app has a thorough set of co-parenting and divorce tools: shared calendars, a parenting plan template, expense tracking and more.
Use them to help you represent yourself in mediation or court, saving you thousands by eliminating lawyer fees. Or give them to the lawyer you hire, saving you hundreds because you've done some of their work.
You can customize this to fit your situation with Custody X Change.
Whether a lawyer is right for your case or not, turn to Custody X Change to ensure the best possible future for your child.