Considerations for Long-Distance Custody Agreements

Parents who don't live close by need a long-distance custody agreement.

If you're just starting your custody proceedings, you can include long-distance provisions now. If one of you relocates after you've already received a custody order, you'll need to return to court to have your order modified.

Long-distance provisions

It's wise to include provisions for long-distance custody in your original custody agreement. Planning ahead will prevent you from having to return to court, saving time and money.

Some parents once lived together but divorce or break up and become long-distance. Others have never lived together (and perhaps have never even considered themselves in a relationship); they should decide if they'll continue to live far apart or move closer together for the sake of co-parenting.

Consider the following when drafting a long-distance custody agreement.

Custody for the distanced parent

In a typical long-distance (300 miles or more) custody agreement, where the noncustodial parent has significant parenting time, they might have the child:

• Spring Break: Every year
• Fall Break: Odd years
• Thanksgiving (from Wednesday to Sunday): Even years
• Christmas (for seven days): Odd years
• Summer: 30 consecutive days after school gets out, with an additional two- or three-week visit at the end of summer

Visits for the distanced parent

In a typical long-distance visitation schedule, where one parent has sole custody, the distanced parent might be allowed to visit the child several times a year. Visits from the out-of-area parent should not interfere with the custodial parent's allocated time.

Standard long-distance visitation schedules can be used as guidelines. You should not feel obligated to use them. If you reach an agreement with the other parent, you should use whatever schedule you both see fit.

Sometimes parents don't have a court-ordered schedule. Instead, the noncustodial parent is given the right to reasonable visitation, which allows parents to arrange each visit closer to the time. Ideally, the parent's visit should not disrupt the child's schooling or other commitments. The judge can decide how much advance notice the visiting parent must give the other parent and the maximum amount of time each visit can last, but if you have opinions about this, present them to the judge.

Pay attention to who has custody during holidays before you plan a holiday visit.

Sole custody

Occasionally, the parent who's relocating will try to go back to court to get sole custody in order to take the child out of the area.

Sometimes this works — but only if the parent convinces the judge that the changes would be in the best interests of the child. Judges consider continuity an important factor in a child's life. Don't disrupt the child's home, school or community without a good reason.

Attempts to gain sole custody and move away with the child can backfire; the judge might instead give sole custody to the parent who's staying put.

Your child's age

The age of your child should play a role in the length and frequency of long-distance visitation. It is unreasonable to expect a two-year-old to go on a plane and spend 30 days apart from their primary caregiver. You may include different custody arrangements for your child at different stages in their life.

Communication

A parent who lives far away is still a parent, and they should be allowed a reasonable number of phone calls with their child and their co-parent. The custodial parent shouldn't block their calls altogether. But what do you both consider "reasonable"? Set rules for how each of you will communicate with your child, as well as how you'll communicate with your co-parent. Specify your timezones if necessary.

It may also help to establish general boundaries with each other. For example, what if one of you is still in love, but the other has no interest in ever getting back together? What if you're not always long-distance and you end up living in the same city again someday? Anticipate how much communication you'll need to co-parent smoothly. It's OK to limit your interactions.

Travel expenses

You don't have to agree to share travel and transportation expenses. You may believe it's logical and fair for the other parent to be solely responsible for those costs, especially if they chose to move away. However, parents who do share costs should track expenses to keep a running total and avoid arguments. If you can't reach an agreement, you can bring your concern to the judge, who will make a final decision.

The easiest way to make a long-distance custody agreement

There are many moving parts to consider when you make a long-distance custody agreement.

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