List of Co-Parenting Boundaries | Co-Parenting Rules

Co-parenting isn't easy. You're expected to collaborate with someone who you couldn't maintain a relationship with. However, you must learn to see your co-parent in a new light if you want to move forward.

Setting co-parenting boundaries in your parenting plan helps you prioritize parenting and do what's best for your child.

Healthy co-parenting boundaries

The following list of co-parenting boundaries are just some of the rules that can help you co-parent amicably.

Communicate effectively

Set boundaries for how and when you may communicate with one another. Written communication gives you more time to think through what you want to say. A parenting app like Custody X Change offers a safe space to message your co-parent with a hostility monitor that highlights potentially harmful language.

You'll also want to make sure you're not overwhelming one another with messages or calls. State what times of day you can communicate and how many calls or messages is appropriate in a day.

Be civil

Commit to treating one another with respect — especially in front of your child. If your co-parent does insult you, just ignore them. You may feel tempted to respond in kind, but this will only make your relationship more contentious. Let them know you'll only speak with them if they communicate respectfully.

Separate personal feelings from parenting

Make a commitment to not let how you feel about your co-parent color how you parent. Bad-mouthing your co-parent in front of your child and using your child as a bargaining chip have no place in co-parenting. Focus on how you can maintain a co-parenting relationship for the benefit of your child now and in the future.

Be honest about child-related expenses

If your parenting plan calls for you to split expenses, keep track clearly and honestly. Custody X Change's expense tracker allows co-parents to log how much they spend and see how much they're owed. You can upload receipts for transparency, then print or email an invoice whenever you need one.

Return your child's belongings

Many parents agree toys, clothing and other items they purchase for the child should return to their home if taken by the child for a visit. This benefits your child, too, by making each space feel more like home.

Honor parent-child relationships

Children thrive when they have two loving parents actively involved in their lives. Do what you can to honor parent-child relationships. Make sure your child is dropped off at your co-parent's home on time. Let your child communicate with the other parent on days when you have custody. Allow your co-parent to attend your child's extracurriculars — but maybe with conditions, like staying away from you or attending on days when you don't.

Respect your co-parent's personal life

You do not need intimate knowledge of your co-parent's life outside of parenting. Prying may cause them to become distrustful or distant, which can impact your ability to cooperate. It's reasonable to want to get to know the co-parent's partner if they will be around your child. Make arrangements for how you will handle this, like whether they must meet you before your child.

Things divorced parents should never do

Divorced parents often have a familiarity that parents who never married do not. As such, they may overstep boundaries. For a healthy co-parenting dynamic, don't:

• Communicate through the child: Children shouldn't be put in the middle of parenting issues. Be mature enough to communicate with your co-parent yourself.
• Force a friendship: Though some co-parents are on friendly terms, it's not for everyone. Pressuring your co-parent to hang out may make them feel uncomfortable, making it more difficult for you to cooperate as parents. If a friendship materializes naturally, it can benefit your child, but it's not necessary.
• Let parenting fall by the wayside: Post-divorce guilt may cause parents to overcompensate. Spoiling your child with gifts and choosing not to discipline them (known as Disney parenting) can work against a co-parenting relationship. Enforce consistent rules in both households and find time for fun with your child to give them a balanced upbringing.

Parallel parenting boundaries

Parallel parenting is the opposite of co-parenting. Rather than trying to cooperate, you parent separately, enforcing different rules in your household and rarely communicating. This arrangement can shield children from arguments.

The following list of co-parenting boundaries are essential for parallel parenting:

• Consult a third party, such as a parenting coordinator, when there's a disagreement on a major decision
• Communicate only about parenting and only in writing
• Exchange your child in a neutral location, like a supermarket parking lot, and possibly have a third party exchange them to limit face-to-face interaction
• Attend separate school events and extracurriculars

How to set boundaries with a toxic co-parent

Some parents are able to agree on a parenting plan through an alternative dispute resolution (ADR) method. When you're dealing with a toxic co-parent, collaborative law, which involves lawyers who negotiate on their client's behalf, is often the best ADR method.

If ADR is unsuccessful, you'll need to go to court. Generally, each parent must submit a proposed parenting plan. The judge can pick one plan to order, combine aspects of each or come up with their own, whichever is in the child's best interest.

Once court-approved, your plan and its co-parenting rules are legally binding, meaning disobedience can be considered contempt of court.

If your ex is toxic, keep detailed notes of how they behave in a parenting journal to help you enforce boundaries.

Setting co-parenting boundaries in your parenting plan

A solid parenting plan is a must when you're co-parenting. But creating one on your own can feel overwhelming. You have to use airtight legal language and can't omit any required information.

Use technology to take the guesswork out of the equation. The Custody X Change app walks you through each step of creating a comprehensive parenting plan.

The result is a professional document that lists your co-parenting boundaries by category.

The easiest and most reliable way to make a co-parenting plan is with Custody X Change.