Can a Custodial Parent Block Phone Calls? Noncustodial?

Co-parents need to stay in touch with each other and with their child. Though you may feel frustrated when you have to deal with the other parent, you shouldn't block their calls.

Your child needs to maintain relationships with both parents and other family members, and they need to make friends too. Allowing them to communicate, and teaching them to do it appropriately, is in their best interests. Preventing them from contacting the other parent may be considered parental alienation.

If the custodial parent is not allowing phone calls

A custodial parent should allow the other parent to contact their child. If a court has ordered it, each of you is responsible for doing your part. Most noncustodial parents are entitled to phone and video calls as well as visits. That's especially important if they're far away; it might be considered virtual visitation. A court might say, for example, that the noncustodial parent is allowed a 30-minute video call twice a week.

You can customize this to fit your situation with Custody X Change.

Sometimes a court doesn't order a specific schedule for phone calls but instead allows the noncustodial parent "reasonable" contact with the child. That means parents must figure out together when the noncustodial parent will call or visit. The custodial parent can't entirely disallow this contact.

If abuse is a concern, make sure the court is aware. The court will have an opinion of whether the abusive parent should be allowed phone calls at all.

However, if you merely feel that your ex is toxic, your feelings and preferences may not affect their right to speak to your child. It's common for exes to dislike each other and to have high conflict, yet it's still usually in the child's best interests to maintain a relationship with both parents.

If the noncustodial parent is not allowing phone calls

Just like a custodial parent cannot prevent phone calls between their child and the other parent, a noncustodial parent cannot unreasonably block parent-child communication either.

If you're worried this will be an issue, ask the court to put provisions in your parenting plan that will help. For instance, your plan could say your child must call you to let you know where they are during visits.

If the noncustodial parent is refusing to answer phone calls from the child, document what's happening. If they're also refusing visits, start tracking your actual parenting time. You can present your records to the court when you ask for a new parenting time order. This information may be used to recalculate the child support you're owed.

Avoiding calls from you about co-parenting may also be an issue. You could try reaching them another way, like through texts or face-to-face. If the avoidance happens repeatedly, bring it up in court or with a parenting coordinator.

If you're calling the noncustodial parent because they've missed child support payments, keep records. Make sure the support office (or the court) is aware of the missed payments. The appropriate authority can enforce payment.

Denying phone calls to hurt or annoy your ex

Co-parents may have disagreements, but they shouldn't use their child as a way to get back at each other. If they're upset with each other, they should work it out directly. The Custody X Change app has a messaging feature with a hostility monitor to encourage constructive conversations.

Don't play dirty tricks related to child custody. It isn't fair to your child. If one parent repeatedly violates court orders, the other parent could bring them back to court.

Delaying phone calls so your child can focus

It's not realistic that each of you will always pick up the phone when it rings, and you don't need to promise to do so. You may be driving. Your child may be focusing on homework, enjoying time with a friend, or complying with a bedtime routine. Someone may be in a bad mood, in which case it may be prudent to wait until you've all calmed down.

In particular, kids with autism or ADHD may struggle with communication (like describing their feelings) and focus (like sitting still). Unscheduled phone calls may be a source of anxiety or pose a distraction for them. You may need to come up with a phone routine that works for your child, e.g., after snack, before homework.

Choosing not to pick up the phone at any given moment isn't the same as blocking the other parent permanently or cutting them out of your child's life. Try to reach an understanding with your co-parent about when phone calls are likely to be appreciated and when they might be difficult.

Blocking phone calls from another family member

Generally, no one has a right to see a child who isn't theirs. If a parent says no, the person must accept that boundary. A parent may choose to block a nonparent's calls. That includes calls from extended family members, neighbors and community members (even if they say they feel "like family"), and former romantic partners and ex-stepparents (who aren't parents even if they wish they were).

In some cases, however, when a family member has had a close relationship to the child and is later cut off, a court may grant them visits. Especially when a parent is unfit, is severely disabled or dies, a family member may be granted guardianship or custody. Grandparents and aunts and uncles are often in this situation.

If a court has specifically granted someone access to your child, you must comply with the court order. You aren't allowed to block their calls to try to make them go away.

A parent whose rights have been terminated (voluntarily or involuntarily) is no longer legally a parent. They have no more right to contact the child than anyone else has. If they're a safe person and the child seems to benefit from a relationship with them, a parent or guardian may choose to allow that open line of communication — but they don't have to.

Giving your child a phone

In many countries, including Australia, Canada, Ireland, the U.K. and the U.S., most kids have smartphones before they enter their teenage years. Depending on your values and your child's maturity, giving them a smartphone can be a reasonable choice, as it lets them feel socially included with their peers, stay in touch with you, and have a method of emergency communication.

Setting expectations for mobile phones avoids confusion and conflict later. If you're proposing a new parenting plan, specify when your child can have a phone and how you and your co-parent will enforce rules about it. Your child's phone might fall under a category like "expenses and money" (regarding which parent buys the phone), "child's possessions" (making sure it stays in working order and accessible) or "discipline and training" (while anticipating changes as your child grows).

You can customize this to fit your situation with Custody X Change.

If you already have a custody order, see if it says anything about your child's phone or internet use. Many orders say that parents can agree between themselves to adjust details of their parenting plan. For parents who have trouble speaking directly, mediation is a relatively low-cost way to resolve disagreements of this type and have your compromise put in writing. If you need to, you can return to court to argue that your parenting plan should be modified.

Being open about the phone

If you give your child a phone, don't ask them to keep it a secret from their other parent. Not only is that a difficult secret to keep, it's unfair to ask your child to keep any secrets at all from their other parent. Don't expect your child to solve your adult conflicts or evade their other parent's rules. If your co-parent interferes with your access to your child, find another way to address that problem.

Managing use of the phone

Parents can set rules for their child — but which parent has the right to set the rules?

It depends. How your child uses their own phone might be related to their education or health, in which case, the parent with legal custody may be in charge of that decision. On the other hand, day-to-day decisions — like taking away your child's phone for a few hours — are generally up to the parent who has parenting time that day. If you're concerned about this, write the details in your parenting plan so there's no confusion.

A reasonable way to stay in touch

Communicating with your co-parent can be stressful. Use the Custody X Change app to write a parenting plan, schedule your visits and message each other on an ongoing basis. The app's features can help you:

• Create a detailed parenting plan that spells out how you'll parent, and print it for negotiations.
• Design a schedule for the time you expect to have. You each get notified of changes the other makes, cutting down on phone calls.
• Message the other parent for the sake of your child.
• Once you have a court-ordered schedule, track your actual parenting time to mark when you stray from it.

Custody X Change makes it easier to communicate with your co-parent.