What Can Be Used Against You in a Custody Battle

Custody battles require an in-depth look into each parent's life. The court examines each parent's behavior, living situation and more to make a custody decision that suits the child's best interests.

To prepare a solid case, know what can and can't be used against you in a custody battle. Keep in mind this is not an exhaustive list.

What can be used against you in a custody battle

Domestic violence

Safety is a top priority when the court determines who should get custody. A history of domestic violence can hurt your case as it may indicate a risk to the child's safety, especially if you have a criminal record. A father or mother can lose custody for recent domestic violence.

If domestic violence happened some time ago and you can show you've changed (e.g., completed an anger management course), it may have less of an impact on your custody case.

Emotional abuse

An emotional abuser verbally belittles someone in order to control them and leave them living in fear and self-doubt.

A parent can lose custody for emotional abuse if it's proven to have had a negative impact on the child's mental well-being.

Refusal to co-parent

The court wants to see you encourage a relationship between your child and their other parent. Refusal to co-parent looks bad in a custody case. If you've refused to let the other parent be part of the child's life for no legally acceptable reason (e.g., child abuse), the court will view you unfavorably.

You can lose custody for not co-parenting if it harms the child's relationship with the other parent.

Bad-mouthing the other parent

Children are impressionable. Repeatedly bad-mouthing the other parent can cause the child to lose respect for that parent and become isolated from them. A parent may even lose custody if their criticism leads to parental alienation.

Social media posts

Be mindful of what you post on social media. For example, photos of yourself drinking hours before you picked up your kids could look bad. Posts about your custody case and ones that disparage the other parent are also no-nos.

Mental health issues

Untreated mental illness can be used against you in a custody battle.

However, if you're receiving treatment (e.g., taking medication, going to therapy) and your condition doesn't affect your ability to care for your child, it will have little to no impact.

Alcoholism and substance abuse

The court will consider how alcoholism and substance abuse may impact your ability to parent. If you've received treatment, it won't impact your case as much. The court might still limit you to supervised visitation and require drug or alcohol testing. If you refuse treatment, you could lose custody.

False accusations

Making false accusations hurts your credibility. It also shows you want to interfere in your child's relationship with the other parent.

A parent can lose custody for false accusations if the child suffers because of their lie. They can also be convicted of perjury and be forced to pay the other parent's legal costs.

What can't be used against you in a custody battle

Cheating

Cheating on your spouse isn't a reflection of your parenting skills. Therefore, cheating doesn't affect the custody decision.

If you're divorcing, it could impact alimony and the division of assets.

Porn and OnlyFans

Watching porn or subscribing to OnlyFans won't hurt your case for custody. However, if you expose your child to it, you can lose custody and be charged with a crime.

Making content for OnlyFans can be used against you in a custody battle only if your child is aware of your activity or if you make the content while your child is home. Otherwise, it should have no bearing over whether you receive custody. The court might order a custody evaluation to find out how much your child knows.

Work schedules

Your work schedule can't be used against you in a custody battle.

While traveling frequently or working long shifts can affect the custody schedule, it won't cause you to lose custody. You just might not get as much time as a parent with a less-intense work schedule.

Unpaid child support

Child support and child custody are two separate issues.

Not paying child support won't cost you custody. But avoiding child support is still not recommended as you will owe arrears (which gain interest in some states) and you could even go to jail.

Living in a hotel

You won't lose custody for living in a hotel. As long as it's a safe, stable environment for your child, the court won't hold it against you. However, the court can take custody away if the conditions in the hotel are poor (e.g., no bed for the child, pest infestation).

The biggest mistake in a custody battle

Perhaps the biggest mistake in a custody battle is keeping your child away from the other parent unnecessarily. Withholding visits can be used against you because it conflicts with your child's best interests. If both parents are safe for the child to be around, the court wants the child to spend as much time as possible with each one.

However, you should protect your child from an abusive or neglectful parent. Just be ready with evidence to back up your claims, otherwise you could lose custody.

Using a parenting app to aid your custody battle

Preparation is the most important part of the custody battle.

Documents you might file as evidence include:

• A proposed parenting plan
• Proposed parenting time schedules
• A calendar of your child's activities
• A printout of messages exchanged with the other parent
• A log of your child's expenses
• A parenting journal

The Custody X Change online app lets you create all of these in one place. It makes sure you're ready to take on the custody process step-by-step.