Co-Parenting Advice: A Guide To Successful Co-Parenting

Co-parenting benefits parents and children. It gives your child stability in a less-than-ideal situation, and it gives you a partner in raising your child. Successful co-parenting relies on setting aside your egos to do what's best for your child.

What successful co-parenting looks like

Every co-parenting relationship is different, but they usually have these five qualities.

Strong communication

Co-parenting requires that you and the other parent discuss your child regularly.

Be clear about how you will communicate. Some parents get along well enough to have in-person meetings and phone calls, while others need to stick to texting and emailing to avoid blowups.

You might communicate differently depending on the situation. For example, for day-to-day updates about the kids, you could text, and for emergencies, you could call.

Also, be mindful of how you speak to your co-parent. In high-conflict situations, the Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm response model is a good guide for respectful communication.

In general, it's best to not make demands. If you have an idea or want to request a change to the schedule, frame it as a question — for example, "Would you be open to picking up the kids at noon on Saturday instead of 3 p.m.?"

Cohesiveness

You can successfully co-parent even if you don't parent exactly the same. Still, the best way to co-parent is to stick to the basic principles of one parenting style.

Children of authoritative parents tend to have the best outcomes. Authoritative parents set clear rules and expectations while considering their child's opinion. Their children are often more well-behaved, self-assured and academically successful, according to an article by authors from Touro University and Lincoln Medical Center. They also have strong bonds with their parents.

Among other things, authoritative co-parents should:

• Set similar household schedules (e.g., homework, mealtime, bedtime)
• Be clear about what behavior is and is not acceptable, and what will happen if the child misbehaves
• Be invested in their child's schooling, interests and extracurriculars
• Let their child make small decisions so that they learn to be independent and develop problem-solving skills

The authoritative parenting style highlights the importance of working together, rather than against each other, for the sake of your child.

Flexibility

Life is unpredictable, so things won't always go as you planned. Understanding this will help you get over your co-parent being 15 minutes late for a visit.

When creating a schedule, share work schedules and any events that could interfere with visitation. Though it may seem invasive, your co-parent should know if your work schedule or a doctor's appointment will interfere with a visit.

A detailed parenting plan will give you a reference point for how to handle the unexpected. You can specify how you'll handle late pickups and drop offs, missed visits and more. It's good to require parents to give at least a day's notice for nonemergency schedule changes.

If a parent constantly misses visits or drops the kids off late, try to have a conversation with them. Discuss how you can adjust the schedule so it's more realistic for them. If they still don't change, you can go to court to modify your custody order or agreement.

Accountability

Successful co-parenting involves holding up your part of parenting.

As a parent you're accountable for:

• Providing for the child's basic needs and care
• Your child's discipline
• Getting the child to school on time
• Nurturing the child's relationship with the other parent
• Paying child support (if ordered by the court)
• Who you allow to be around your child
• Your behavior when your child is with you

When parents take responsibility for how their actions or inaction may hurt their child, it becomes easier to address problems and make changes.

Mutual respect

Co-parenting is the start of a new relationship. Your "ex" is now your "co-parent." Co-parents who stay on amicable terms reassure their kids they'll still have two active parents. This helps your child feel secure and know that your separation isn't the end of the world.

Kids do better when parents get along. A 2024 study by Custody X Change found that amicable parents are more likely to report that their kids adjusted well after their divorce.

Most parents have joint legal custody, meaning they have equal say in major decisions like where the child will go to school. Keep an open dialogue when making these decisions.

Good-faith conversations can go a long way in helping you make decisions in a timely manner, and they make it easier to talk in the future. You might not agree about everything, but at least hear each another out. Constantly shutting down the other parent will only cause them to become resentful, and eventually, they may not want to talk at all.

Finally, a cardinal rule is to avoid prying into one another's personal lives. If it won't harm your child, you don't need to know about it.

Where to find co-parenting help

There's no shame in seeking co-parenting help. There are many places to find it.

• Co-parenting apps: A co-parenting app can help you create a parenting plan, keep track of your parenting schedule and more.
• Co-parenting coach: A co-parenting coach can help you discover the best way to co-parent.
• Therapist: A therapist provides an outlet for you to vent, and they can help you navigate your emotions so you can be a better co-parent.
• Support groups: Online and in-person support groups provide community. Plus, they can be a source for co-parenting advice.
• Parenting coordinator: A parenting coordinator steps in to make decisions for parents when they can't agree.
• Mediator: A mediator can help you create a custody agreement and resolve parenting disagreements.
• Lawyer: A lawyer can answer legal questions and represent you in court. Many offer free initial consultations.
• Court: As a last resort, you can go to court. A judge can resolve disagreements and decide what to do if a parent isn't following a court order.

Helping kids adjust to co-parenting

Successful co-parenting involves helping your kids adjust to life in two households. Follow these tips:

• Make kids more comfortable by having toiletries, clothes and toys for them in both houses.
• To lessen anxiety about going to the other parent's home, remind your child about the visit a day or two before it happens.
• Keep a positive attitude before they leave — don't make them feel guilty by telling them how much you'll miss them.
• Don't push your kid to tell you what they did with the other parent during their visit.
• When your child comes home from a visit, notice what they need: quality time together or space.
• Try not to act jealously or resent your child when the other parent buys the child a gift or takes them on a trip.
• Don't spoil your child (also called Disney parenting). In a Psychology Today article, Dr. Fredric Neuman writes, "The spoiled child is likely to be irritable and unsympathetic to others. He seems comfortable ignoring his parents' wishes."

Your child will need all the support they can get to adjust to their new normal. How kids deal with divorce or separation depends on whether both parents make their happiness a priority.

The easiest way to co-parent

Managing co-parenting isn't easy. Technology can give you the co-parenting help you need.

Custody X Change has all the tools you need to have a successful co-parenting relationship. It lets you:

• Create a parenting plan to show your ideal custody arrangement in a court-ready format.
• Calculate parenting time to see how much you spend with your child.
• Maintain a custody journal to document what you do for your child and interactions with the other parent.
• And more.

Let Custody X Change balance the moving parts of co-parenting so you can focus on your child.