When To Get A Divorce

It's time to get a divorce when staying together is hurting your (or your child's) well-being. Look out for these signs it's time to get a divorce.

Signs it's time to divorce

Abuse

Physical and emotional abuse are bright red signs it's time to get a divorce. Hitting, name-calling and belittling are never okay.

Abuse is not always super obvious. You might not even realize you're in an abusive relationship. The following are all signs of abuse:

• Your spouse regularly goes off into fits of rage.
• Your spouse tries to isolate you from others.
• Your spouse insists on having control of all finances.
• Your spouse prevents you from working.
• Your spouse constantly criticizes your appearance.

Getting out of an abusive marriage can be difficult — and sometimes dangerous. Resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline and your local domestic violence shelter can help you make a plan to safely leave your spouse. HelpGuide.org also provides guidance on leaving an abusive relationship.

Infidelity

Infidelity can be sexual or emotional. A spouse who develops a deep emotional bond with someone while hiding it from their spouse is emotionally cheating.

Some spouses can forgive infidelity, but the pain often lingers. Wronged spouses might exhibit symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress. They may suffer from anxiety and depression, and constantly worry their spouse will cheat again. Their children can be left feeling confused and distrustful.

Custody X Change research found that 12% of divorced people saw someone besides their spouse before their divorce began. The cheating started a median of 11.7 months before the case did.

Lack of intimacy

There are different types of intimacy: physical, emotional and intellectual, to name a few.

Your relationship lacks intimacy if:

• You feel more like roommates than a married couple.
• Conversations become surface-level and unfulfilling.
• Attempts to communicate result in petty arguments.
• You rarely — if ever — touch, hug, kiss or have sex.
• You feel alone even when you're together.

A 2025 report from the U.S. Census Bureau, found that 31% of divorced people cite lack of intimacy as the reason for their divorce.

You've already checked out

Signs you've checked out of your marriage include:

• You often think about life as a single person.
• You stop going out with your spouse.
• You don't care if your spouse likes you.
• You're emotionally unavailable.
• You don't bother engaging when there's a disagreement.
• You spend more time away from your spouse (e.g., voluntarily working longer hours, prioritizing your hobbies).

It's hard to rekindle your relationship when you have no desire to make it work. Divorce is often the fairest solution for both spouses.

You're only together for the kids or finances

Parents often fear that divorcing will hurt their kids. While divorce affects children, being in a household with two parents who are no longer in love can also do harm.

Children feel pressure to pick a side between parents. They often suffer from "parentification," becoming the person their frustrated parent vents to. They must care for themselves as parents are more focused on the bad blood between them.

Then, there are the financial reasons to stay married. Some stay in marriages because they can't afford to divorce; divorcing parents in the U.S. spend a median of $18,000 on legal fees if they both have lawyers. Others fear they won't be able to financially support themselves. Breadwinners might fear splitting marital assets or paying alimony.

Resentment

Among other things, resentful spouses may:

• Start arguments over little things
• Avoid their spouse
• Put forth no effort to fix the relationship
• Be short or sarcastic when they speak to their spouse
• Stop showing affection
• Withhold intimacy as a punishment
• Use passive aggression instead of voicing their concerns
• Fixate on their spouse's negative traits

You're likely headed for divorce if you don't address the resentment in your marriage.

The best time to file for divorce

You should file for divorce based on your readiness, not the time of year. However, timing can impact the progress of your divorce.

Here are pros and cons of starting a divorce in each season (for the Northern Hemisphere).

Although January is known as "divorce month," it's more common for spouses to file in March. According to lawyers at Villani & DeLuca P.C. in New Jersey, "most individuals consult a divorce lawyer during January through February, then file for the divorce in March."

This is confirmed by a 2016 study by the University of Washington and a 2026 study from Custody X Change, which both showed spikes in divorce filings in the spring.

What to consider before filing for divorce

When considering whether to file for divorce, ask yourself these questions.

Emotional considerations

• Is staying in this marriage helping or hurting me?
• Is the issue that is making me consider divorce temporary or permanent?
• If I stay in the marriage, what changes would I like to see my spouse make? What changes am I willing to make?
• Can I forgive my spouse for past indiscretions?
• Can we resolve our problems in therapy?
• How will divorce affect the kids?

Practical considerations

• Am I financially prepared for divorce?
• Will one of us move out?
• How are we going to tell the kids we're divorcing?
• Is there a mandatory period of separation before I can file for divorce in my area?
• Do I meet the residency requirements to file in my area?
• What forms and documents do I need to file (e.g., marriage certificate, financial documents)?
• What professionals do I need to consult (lawyer, mediator, etc.)?
• Can we reach a divorce agreement (maybe through alternative dispute resolution methods)?

Preparing for co-parenting

If you have kids, start planning for co-parenting as soon as divorce seems likely. The Custody X Change app can help.

With a parenting plan template, custody calendars, an expense tracker and more, it makes sure you're prepared for your divorce and the years to follow.

Try this with Custody X Change.

Let Custody X Change help you co-parent smoothly.

Frequently asked questions

What if my spouse doesn't want to get a divorce?

You can get a divorce even if your spouse doesn't want to. After you file a divorce petition, your spouse will have time to respond. If they don't respond, you might get a default judgment, meaning the court will award you some, if not all, of what you're asking for.

Where can I get legal advice if I can't afford a lawyer?

Your local legal aid association can help. They often have lawyers on staff who volunteer their services. Law schools also have programs where students can provide advice. These programs are often limited to low-income litigants. Custody X Change's location-based guides also provide information (not legal advice) about divorce and child custody cases.

How long does it take to get a divorce?

You can get a divorce within a few months if you reach a divorce agreement. Otherwise, divorce can take anywhere from one to several years. The more you and your spouse fight, the longer your case will take. Your court might also have a waiting period requiring a certain number of days to elapse before you can get a final divorce judgment.

Can I get a divorce without going to court?

Yes, in many places you can divorce without stepping in a courtroom if you have an agreement. You can try mediation, collaborative divorce or arbitration to reach an agreement. However, you still need to start a divorce case and file your agreement with the court to officially end your marriage.

Should I move out?

Moving out could backfire. If you have kids, a judge might favor your spouse if the kids are used to living in the home with them. Moving can also impact the division of property and finances. Talk to a lawyer to figure out what option is best for you. You should move out if there's domestic violence or your spouse is a threat to your or your child's safety.

What if I file for divorce, then change my mind?

If your spouse has not responded to the petition, your court might allow you to withdraw your petition. If your spouse has responded, both of you would need to agree to withdraw the case.