How Does Mediation Work in Custody? What Parents Should Know

Going to court takes a lot of time and money. Mediation is a more affordable, quicker alternative. A neutral professional helps parents talk through their disagreements to create a parenting plan that is in their child's best interests. The mediator won't side with either parent or make decisions for you.

Mediation gives parents equal say, and could result in a more positive co-parenting relationship. It is also confidential, whereas records from a court case may be publicly available.

Knowing how mediation works in custody cases can help you have a productive and successful mediation.

Is mediation right for my case?

Mediation is the recommended route for parents at various conflict levels. Even if it's often hard for you and your ex to get on the same page, a mediator may be able to help you see past your personal differences to do what's best for your child. In the long term, mediation can help you learn how to better communicate so you can co-parent cooperatively.

Many times, mediation isn't recommended if there's been domestic violence. However, the mediator can make changes to the process to protect the victim. For example, mediation can happen virtually, or parents might stay in separate rooms while the mediator goes back and forth between them.

Cost is another deciding factor. Custody mediators charge anywhere from $250 to over $500 per hour depending on your mediator's experience and location. Mediators typically require a retainer fee up front to reserve services for a set number of hours.

If your spouse is skeptical of mediation, highlight the positives like cost savings, privacy and time flexibility.

Court mediation versus private mediation

If your court has a mediation program, you'll have a choice between court mediation and private mediation. One may suit you better than the other depending on your goals and availability.

Court mediation

You'll need an active custody or divorce case to go to court mediation. You might choose this route if you have doubts about your ability to settle with your ex. If mediation doesn't work out, the court will already be familiar with your case and will make a decision.

If the court doesn't order you to attend, you could file a request for mediation. The court won't order you to go if there's been domestic violence. You and the other parent must choose a mediator from the court's roster of approved mediators. If you can't agree, the court will choose the mediator. Before mediation begins, the mediator might speak with each parent individually to evaluate the situation and suss out any power imbalances.

Courts typically cover the cost of one session. If parents would like more time, they must pay for it.

If you don't reach an agreement, your case will progress towards a trial. The mediator usually provides the court with a summary of anything you've agreed on and outstanding disputes — but not details like what you said.

Private mediation

You can go to private mediation before or after starting a custody case. Your ex might assume you want a custody battle if you file for custody. Going to mediation before starting a case could work as a show of good will to your future co-parent.

You and your ex are free to choose any custody mediator, even if they have not been court approved. Look for custody mediators online. Review their websites and online reviews to ensure they're the right mediator for you.

Private mediation lets you take as much time as you need to reach an agreement — though you'll be responsible for the full cost. You'll have more flexibility in regards to when mediation sessions happen, so you can plan around your availability and not feel constrained to resolve things in one session.

If mediation is unsuccessful, you may try a different alternative dispute resolution method or go to court.

The mediation process

How mediation works in custody cases is generally the same regardless of whether you go to private mediation or file for mediation in court.

After you choose a mediator, they will schedule an initial consultation. Here, the mediator explains the process and confidentiality of mediation and learns about your family situation and the kids involved. You can ask questions, too.

Each session is dedicated to talking through parents' differences while the mediator facilitates. The mediator makes sure the focus stays on the child and the conversation remains respectful. If you have a lawyer, the mediator might allow them to attend as well.

Bring information so the other parent understands your stance:

• A proposed parenting plan and visitation schedule
• Your work schedule
• Your child's school and extracurricular schedules
• Financial records and receipts for child-related expenses (if you'll be negotiating child support)

Mediation can take as little as one session or several. If you reach an agreement, the mediator writes the terms into a memorandum of understanding.

Making your agreement into a custody order

File your mediated agreement with the court. If you went to private mediation, you'll need to start a custody or divorce case first.

The court will review the agreement's terms to make sure they are in the child's best interests. If so, it will approve your agreement, which will become legally binding.

You might return to mediation to resolve disputes down the road. This can be written into your parenting plan to ensure parents don't go straight to court when disputes arise.

Tips for successful mediation

Child custody mediation only works if you're willing to commit to the process. Here are some tips to help you get the most out of mediation.

• Put your kids first.
• Be respectful.
• Keep an open mind.
• Don't expect to get everything you want.
• Meet your ex in the middle. Be willing to compromise.
• Be clear about what you believe is best for your child.
• Push back on things you disagree with, but don't argue.
• Listen to the other parent.
• Don't just go along with everything your ex says for the sake of getting an agreement.
• Follow the mediator's instructions.
• Don't give up too soon.

Preparing for mediation

Preparing for mediation is essential if you want to walk away with an agreement.

Custody X Change has the tools you need to demonstrate to the mediator and your ex what you believe is best for your child.

Fill out a parenting plan template to show your ideal custody arrangement. Outfit your plan with provisions explaining how you'll handle important matters such as communication, moving, medical decisions for your child and more.

You can customize this to fit your situation with Custody X Change.

Make custody mediation work with Custody X Change.