Custody of a Dog, Cat, Etc. | Pet Custody Agreements

Who gets the dog in a breakup? Beloved pets are caught in the middle when a relationship changes or ends.

Often, one person decides they can move on without the pet. They may give up their right to "custody" of a dog or cat, sometimes in exchange for money or property.

In the United States, animals are legally considered property. Strictly speaking, there is no dog custody or cat custody. You can't have custody of a pet the same way you have custody of a child.

But you'll hear the term pet custody to refer to keeping the dog or cat. Some lawyers use the term because it's clear what's meant: people bond with their pets, and a pet needs to be cared for by a responsible adult. A court may give you a formal decision on ownership of the animal. They may even order you or your ex to allow the other to visit it.

Pet custody agreements

Agreements made in advance

Couples who plan to marry often write prenuptial agreements. A prenup may include a clause for pet custody. Should the couple ever separate, following the plan avoids some arguments.

Agreements made during or after a breakup

If you didn't write a prenup and now you're divorcing, you'll either settle with your ex or let a family court judge decide the issue at trial. If you were never married and can't agree who should have the pet, you could end up in civil court.

Ongoing disputes are stressful and rack up legal fees, so many separating couples try to compromise as quickly as they can. Mediation may help. At any time, you can both sign a pet custody agreement to end litigation over that issue. If you're divorcing, the pet agreement may just be a few lines in your divorce settlement agreement.

Sharing custody of dog or cat can be difficult

Sharing pet custody after a breakup may sound like a comforting outcome. People care deeply for their pets. Plus, it's common to need time to emotionally process a breakup, and sharing a pet may feel like a way of staying attached to the other person.

However, pet-sharing arrangements may bring challenges.

Stress for you

Visiting your pet can be logistically challenging, especially if you have a full work or parenting schedule or would have to travel a long distance to your ex's home.

If you and your ex aren't amicable, it'll be unpleasant to communicate with them and to see them during the visit. Be realistic about this.

Think about what you'll do if you disagree about the animal's care, e.g., feeding, grooming, training, behavioral problems, kennel boarding and vet appointments. What if your pet is seriously ill or injured? Are you prepared to split all the costs evenly? Do you want to be in touch with your ex about any of these topics?

Stress for the animal

Dogs, cats and birds don't think or feel exactly like humans. They have different psychology. They may not need frequent and continuing contact with two human "parents" as a child does.

A pet benefits from a daily routine in a single household. Shuttling your pet between two homes may only confuse and disturb it. It doesn't understand why it's being moved back and forth. It may misbehave to express its displeasure.

How to minimize stress

If you're going to share custody of pets, think of ways to make it easier on all animals and people involved.

Avoid fights. Your animal hears anger in your voices, sees your body language and feels your stress. Your argument isn't their fault. Tone it down for their sake.

Exchange infrequently. Let the animal stay in one home for as long as possible (e.g., a month) so they can recover from the travel and acclimate to their environment.

Stay organized. Work out a schedule for sharing your pet. If you make a child custody schedule, using it for your pet too is likely the easiest approach.

Pet custody laws

In most U.S. states, pets are legally considered property. In your breakup, you'll follow the normal rules for dividing property.

But there are a couple of exceptions.

Under disability law, service animals are working animals, not companion animals. A service animal must stay with the disabled person (adult or child) for whom it works. If both parents will care for and transport their child's service animal, they should detail their responsibilities in a parenting plan.

Animal abuse and neglect is illegal. So is the abuse of an intimate partner or a child. If there's domestic violence, a court pays attention to how violence toward pets may be related to violence toward humans.

Apart from that, most courts don't give detailed consideration to your preferences — nor to your pet's — about where, and with whom, the pet should live.

If an unmarried relationship is breaking up

In this situation, the couple may not need to go to court (except to determine child custody and child support if they have a minor child). To divide property or establish pet ownership, they may rely on an informal agreement. If they're arguing, they may resolve their issues through an alternative dispute resolution method.

If a married couple is divorcing

To end a marriage, at least one spouse needs to ask a court for a divorce.

The divorce case can include determination of who gets the dog or cat. Many courts follow this general rule for dividing property:

• If one spouse acquired the pet before the marriage, that spouse will likely be allowed to keep it.
• If both spouses acquired the pet during the marriage, either spouse might be judged its owner.

Consult pet custody laws by state or country to see if there's an option of joint ownership.

Also, check to see if a pet's welfare is normally considered. For example, the laws of Alaska, California, Illinois, Maine, New Hampshire, New York and Washington, DC mention the best interest, care or well-being of an animal. Some divorce judges may even be required to consider it in detail, including who has emotionally bonded with the animal, provides better care, has a safer home or is more financially stable.

Sole or joint 'custody' of a dog or cat

For a human child, both parents are likely to receive significant parenting time.

Pets, however, are treated differently under the law. In a typical breakup, one person gets the pet, and the other bids it a fond and sad farewell. Doing so is often easier for everyone in the end.

If you have a child who has feelings about the pet, it's wise and compassionate to consider their wishes too. That's an important part of supporting your child emotionally during your breakup or divorce.

If you go to court for custody of a dog or cat

The judge:

• Will consider how pet ownership may affect children you have together
• Is likely to award sole ownership to one of you
• May order joint ownership (if state law allows for it), but it's less common

If you get a court order, both of you have to follow it. If you don't, one of you may file to have the other found in contempt of court.

If you're also deciding child custody

Custody of a dog or other pet can be complicated, but it's nowhere near as complex as child custody.

Let the Custody X Change online app simplify your child custody journey.

Make a complete parenting schedule in minutes, then get reminded of upcoming exchanges and activities. You can exchange the pet at the same time as your child.

Track parenting expenses for reimbursement. You could even include pet expenses you're sharing with the other parent.

Use these and other Custody X Change tools to make your transition to two households as smooth as possible.