Deciding a Holiday Schedule for Your Parenting Plan

A holiday schedule helps ensure both parents get to spend time with their children on holidays and special occasions. Pre-planning holiday time can save you the stress of making last-minute decisions.

What is a holiday schedule for a parenting plan?

A holiday schedule addresses where your children will be for each holiday. Preparing a holiday schedule for a parenting plan in advance can reduce conflict because everyone will know where the child should be on any given holiday.

Here are some of the days that you should include in your holiday schedule:

• Basic holidays that usually result in a 3-day weekend, such as President's Day and Columbus Day
• Holidays that include lengthy time off from school — generally Thanksgiving and Christmas/winter break
• School holidays that occur throughout the year, such as teacher preparation days and spring break
• Any religious holidays that you and your family celebrate
• Your child's birthday
• Your own birthday and the other parent's birthday

Creating a holiday schedule with the other parent helps you establish a workable schedule that allows your child to spend time with both parents during the holidays.

Do I need a holiday schedule for a parenting plan?

Every state requires some sort of visitation or custody schedule as part of a parenting plan, including how the child will spend their holidays. Your custody schedule needs to be as detailed as possible. Ambiguity and vague language will only lead to misunderstandings and debate down the road. Creating a detailed holiday schedule helps you plan in advance to carry out family traditions and reduce typical holiday stress.

Your child will also benefit from a holiday schedule as it provides routine and stability. Knowing where they will be for upcoming holidays allows them some peace of mind and helps build anticipation for celebrations.

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Can't we just improvise a holiday schedule for a parenting plan?

Improvising usually leads to conflict. That's why most states require parents to include a visitation schedule in their parenting plan.

You might feel you can handle holidays on a case-by-case basis, but this approach is more likely to cause tension and leave your children in the middle.

Here are five potential areas of conflict when you have no specific holiday schedule:

1. Parents have no idea what time to pick up and drop off the children
2. Parents are unsure of transportation arrangements between residences
3. Parents who both want the children for a specific holiday have no way to work it out other than fighting, usually in front of the children
4. Children refusing to visit the other parent because they know the visitation is not set in stone
5. Parents without the children have no opportunity to make other plans and end up alone for the holiday

Just as your parenting plan is designed to regulate how you and the other parent raise your child in separate homes, your holiday schedule can also help with keeping visitations stable, fair and stress-free.

What do I need to know about holiday schedules for parenting plans?

Compromise is key when creating a holiday schedule. This doesn't mean sacrificing your time with the kids during holidays. It means finding creative ways to share holiday time so it's fair for both parents.

When creating a detailed holiday schedule as part of your parenting plan, you should:

• Keep visitations age appropriate. Don't expect toddlers to be away from the primary caregiver overnight. Tailor the holiday visits to what the children can handle.
• Include specifics about when the holiday visits begin and end. For example, you might state three-day weekends begin after school on Friday and end at 5:00 p.m. on Monday evening.
• Work out which parent transports the children. For example, clarify whether the parent who currently has the kids is responsible for dropping them off at the other parent's home.
• When you can, preserve traditions your child celebrated in the past. If your child has always attended the other parent's family reunion on Independence Day, honor that tradition for your child's sake.

The holidays will never be the same as they were before your divorce or separation. Trying to recreate the past will only disappoint everyone. Focus your attention on how you can help your child adjust to the new holiday schedule.

Can holiday schedules for parenting plans be revised?

While you should do your best to create a holiday schedule that will last for several years, it's likely that you will need to revise it at some point.

Revise the holiday schedule in your parenting plan if:

• Your child outgrows the current visitation schedule
• You or the other parent relocate some distance away
• You or the other parent experience a job change that impacts the schedule
• You or the other parent remarry
• You or the other parent recognize that certain aspects of the current schedule have a negative impact on the child
• Your child requests a different schedule based on legitimate issues
• You or the other parent are deemed unfit by the family court

To revise your holiday schedule, draft a sample schedule that includes your changes. Submit that with the proper paperwork to your local family court, then attend a hearing to answer questions and show that the changes will benefit your child.

How do I track whether the holiday schedule for my parenting plan works?

Keeping a parenting journal will allow you to record your observations on how the custody schedule is working out.

In the journal, write about how your children are handling holidays, traveling and separations. You can also record any frustrations you are encountering, such as miscommunications, last minute rescheduling and even missed visitations.

With Custody X Change, you can write and store notes attached to specific days on your calendar. Plus, you can print your parenting journal in a single document.

A parenting journal gives you a way to track problems so that you and the other parent can address them. It's your responsibility as parents to tailor your schedule to suit your child's best interests.

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