Child Custody & Visitation Blog

To begin making the parenting plan, you can look at some parenting plan template examples to help you get started. Here are some basic issues that you should cover when making your plan.

The Child’s Residence

Choosing where the child lives can be one of the more difficult issues that you discuss. This decision must be made with the child’s best interest in mind. Generally, a plan will work better if both parents support where the child lives because there will be less fighting in the future and the parents won’t have to go to court. You can have the child live primarily with one parent, have the child split time between both parents’ homes, or have the child live in one home while the mother and father alternate time there (this is commonly called bird nesting). You must come up with a schedule that outlines when the child is with each parent. You should also determine where the child will be during holidays. (Look at some parenting plan calendar examples to get started on your schedule.)

Legal Custody

Legal custody is the right and responsibility that parents have to make decisions for their children. You need to make some sort of plan for how you and the other parent plan to divide or share this responsibility. A mother and father can both share legal custody, or the full responsibility can be given to one parent. If you decide to share legal custody, you need to determine how it is shared. You can give each parent certain categories to be responsible, both parents can discuss and agree on major decisions, the parents can be responsible for decisions when they have the child, etc.

Health Care

You must decide how you and the other parent will continue to provide medical and dental care for the child. This means that you must determine how the child will be covered by insurance, how you will pay medical expenses, how you will choose medical providers, and what you will do in a medical emergency.

Standards for Raising the Child

Children need consistency, and you and the child’s other parent must work together so the child has some consistency. There will be differences between the parents’ homes, but you can establish some guidelines in your parenting plan for raising the child. These guidelines can be common rules the households will share, like the requirement that the child always wears a seat belt in the car. The guidelines can also be rules about how parents will share information about the children.

Education

You must talk about the child’s education with the other parent and make some plans. In addition to discussing what school the child will attend, you need to determine how you will let your child participate in extra-curricular activities. You must also decide how you will pay for school expenses and extra-curricular expenses.  It is a good idea to come up with a plan for how you will both be involved in the child’s schooling–how you will participate in parent-teacher conferences, how you will handle problems should they come up, etc.

Resolving Disputes and Making Changes to the Plan

You should put provisions into the plan about how they will resolve future disputes and make changes to the plan. The idea behind this is to come up with a system that keeps you and the other parent out of court. You need to have some way that you will work out your differences. You can agree to go to mediation, follow a step-by-step procedure, or do anything else that will help. As your child grows older, it will be necessary to make changes to the plan so it better fits the child. Again, you need to have a system for how you will make those changes.

Have you decided to try a joint custody agreement for your custody situation? You are not alone. Many divorced and separated parents try to put their children first be adopting a joint agreement to raise the children. This is often the right solution to some difficult questions.

Basically, a joint custody agreement means that the mother and father will share the responsibilities of raising the children. This means that they both participate in making the decisions for the children, and they both spend time with them. Because the custody and visitation schedule is such an important part of the agreement, parents who want a joint agreement need to make a schedule that goes along with this.

A joint custody schedule doesn’t mean that each parent gets exactly half of the time with the children. Instead, it means that the mother and father both have significant time with the child so that both parents can develop a strong relationship with the child. A schedule should be made that gives both the mother and father ample time to be with the child.

One of the biggest factors that affects visitation schedules for joint custody is the child’s school schedule. Children who are not yet in school are more flexible and visitation is usually set up around the parents’ schedules. Once children attend school, though, the school day becomes a priority.

Because of this, it may not be possible for each parent to have the child for half of the week. Instead, parents should realistically look at the options and plan visits the work for the child. As with any schedule, it is vital that the joint custody and visitation schedule be made with the child’s best interest in mind.

Parents who make a schedule where the mother and father are both involved will be more likely to be satisfied with the schedule. This means that there will not be a court battle, or an endless saga of trying to get things changed. Instead, the parents can focus on parenting the child.

Example joint custody schedules include: alternating weeks, alternating days or every two days, the child living with one parent but having significant visitation with the other parent throughout the week, alternating custody every two weeks, setting up one schedule during the school year and an alternate schedule during the summer break to even out the time, etc.

In the last post we discussed some strategies for reducing conflict to make a parenting plan that works with the other parent. The goal when working with the other parent is to make a plan that both parents find acceptable and that focuses on the children. This way, parents can help the children adjust better to the new situation, and the plan is easier to follow. Here are some more ideas to help minimize the conflict.

Come prepared. It is easier to work out an agreement from ideas that you and the other parent have already thought of then to make one up together. Both the mother and father should have multiple ideas for how to execute certain parts of the agreement. This should be done so the parents can look at the ideas and alter them so they fit. Don’t expect your plans to just be accepted. Use them as a springboard to figure out the final plan. For example, it is smart for both parents to come up with a few variants on a visitation schedule and to bring them to the meeting. The parents can then talk about the benefits of each schedule and change things around to make it work better.

Look for ways you agree. In many cases, a parent will suggest something and the other parent agrees with part of it. When you reply, you should start by pointing out what you agree with and then build on that. For example, the other parent says “I want the children on the weekends.”  Instead of saying “I want weekends too!” you can say “Weekends are a good time to have the children, and it is fair for you to have time with them on the weekends. I’d like to have some of the weekends too, so let’s come up with a schedule that gives both of us time with the children on the weekends.”

Listen. This is huge. Instead of focusing on your reply as the other parent talks, actually stop and listen to what is being said. Actively listen and try to understand where the parent is coming from. Take the suggestions seriously and pay attention so the other parent feels heard. This can be difficult, and you may not feel like the other parent listens to you. However, if you try to listen carefully, the other parent will probably catch onto your example and start giving you the same courtesy.

Attend custody mediation. If you really can’t make any progress on the plan, you can go to custody mediation. In mediation, you and the other parent will work with a third person to make an agreement. The third person brings up concerns and focuses your attention on the children. Parents who attend mediation have a high success rate–even if they are very high conflict. The mediator can bring good, outside perspective to help you get another viewpoint on your plan. This can be very helpful.

A meeting between divorced and separated parents to talk about the parenting agreement typically goes like this. The parents begin by talking about an issue, let’s say the holiday schedule. One parent makes a suggestion and the other parent doesn’t quite agree. Pretty soon, they are heatedly arguing about things that happened to cause the divorce. There are insults, yelling, and high emotion. The meeting ends abruptly as one parent storms out of the room.

Is there any hope for parents who simply cannot get along to make a parenting agreement that works? Or are these parents doomed to go to court and let a judge determine the agreement?

Fortunately, even with high conflict couples, there are ways to manage conflict and work through the necessary issues. It isn’t always easy, but the end result can be an agreement that both parents support and that meets the needs of the child. In this and the following post, we’ll discuss some strategies for reducing conflict so you can make your custody agreement.

Set up a meeting place. It is best if both parents can approach the meeting like they would a business meeting. The mother and father should choose a comfortable place to meet where they can freely talk about the necessary issues. Parents should both agree to the place, and they should agree on a time frame for the meetings. You will most likely have to meet multiple times with the other parent, so it is wise to set smaller meetings more frequently so that you don’t get exhausted at the end of each meeting. Pick a neutral environment that doesn’t make you feel rushed.

Have a plan for each meeting. One or both of the parents should make an agenda for the meeting. This can be done at the end of the previous meeting by the parents deciding what they will discuss in the next meeting, or one parent can make the agenda if they other parent is willing to follow it. The parents should go over the list of topics they are discussing and should diligently stick to the list. If one parent starts to argue or bring up something from the past, the other parent can gently remind them about the topic at hand.

Start with subjects that will be easier to work out. You don’t want to sit down in your meeting and immediately declare “We’re going to decide who gets full custody of the children, and I think it should be me.” This is an explosive issue and will not be easily worked out. It is best to start with smaller issues that you know you can come to some kind of agreement on. If there is very little you agree on, then you want to start by agreeing that you both want what is best for the child. Outline some general principles you want to follow to make things good for the child, like “We want to make a plan that encourages the child to participate in many activities at school.” When things get heated, you can go back to this foundation to give both you and the other parent some perspective.

Focus on what you really want. It is good to remember that you want a custody agreement that works for your child, not just custody of the child. Too often when emotion takes over people forget about what they really want. Instead of remembering the child, a parent will suddenly want to win the argument at any cost and get their way. This is a surefire way to end communication. You can begin each meeting by verbalizing what you want out of the meeting. You can say something like “I want an agreement that really benefits our child and allows both of us to be involved with him. When we discuss the following issues I want to focus on how all of our decisions benefit the child.” If an argument begins, think about your child and what you really want for her. Then verbalize it again. You can say something like, “We both want what is best for the child, even though we see things differently. Let’s both calmly explain how what we’ve suggested helps the child and make our decision based on that.”

Most parents spend a great deal of time working out the child custody and visitation schedule for their parenting plan. The parenting plan schedule directly affects how often each parent sees the child, so both parents have a very vested interest in how the schedule turns out. Here are some suggestions when setting up this crucial document.

Try to work with the other parent. Yes, we know. This can seem impossible. Even in the best situations, it is still difficult to sit down with the other parent and rationally explore options for when each of you will see the children. Add to the mix all of the emotions that are still brewing from the divorce, and it can turn into a disaster. However, when parents are able to work out something together rather than leaving it to the court, they are much happier with the schedule. This means that both parents are more likely to follow the schedule. So, the child has a more stable environment and can adjust better to the new situation. Really, the child benefits from this, so parents should do everything in their power to make it happen.

Appropriately include your child. Now, obviously if you child is three years old, you are not going to ask her where she wants to live. However, if your child is sixteen years old, he may have a strong preference that you should listen to. As your children get older, they can offer helpful suggestions for working out the schedule. This can be good, especially as children become more and more involved in activities and they need to have visitation that works around it. For younger children, it is best to set up the best arrangement you have and see how they react to it. If they seem to have a difficult time adjusting every time they come home, you should talk about the schedule with them and appropriately ask if there is something that would make it better for them.

Work from a parenting plan schedule template. Custody X Change offers a great parenting plan template that allows parents to make a parenting schedule. This can be invaluable because a mother and father can set up any type of schedule that works for their situation. A lot of templates simply offer pre-determined solutions that aren’t able to be customized for a situation. With Custody X Change, parents can look at different schedule options and easily make changes to improve the schedule.

Create a temporary schedule until you feel ready to make the permanent schedule. If you have recently separated or divorced, you may not be ready to make a schedule that will last forever. Instead of focusing on a permanent schedule, make a temporary parenting schedule to last for six months or so. This should give you some time to figure out the different issues and observe how your child handles visitation. This can give you valuable insight into the best way to make the permanent schedule. And, it takes the immediate pressure off so you don’t rush into anything.

It’s that time of year–summer is just around the corner, and people are making plans for vacations. This can be a difficult subject for divorced and separated parents, unless they have figured out vacation time in their parenting plan and custody agreement. Because all parents want to have fun with their children, here is how to handle vacation time in the parenting plan.

First, the mother and father need to decide how they will schedule the vacations. Some parents choose to have specified vacations–meaning that each parent has specific dates every year when they can take the children on vacation–while others choose to have unspecified vacations–meaning that each parent is allotted so much vacation time per year that they can take with advance notice to the other parent. Generally, to take an unspecified vacation, the parent must let the other parent know thirty days in advance. Both parents should have equal vacation time in the parenting time schedule. The parents should also decide if there is makeup visitation for the other parent when the children miss it because they are on vacation.

Once the parents have determined the vacation schedule, they should set some rules for vacation time. The mother and father need to discuss the acceptable areas to travel. Can the parents take the children out of state? How about out of the country? Does the parent planning the vacation have to get permission to take the child far away?

Parents can also choose to require each parent to give the other parent a travel itinerary before going on vacation–this can help the parents feel more comfortable with what is going on.

The plan should also include rules about acceptable activities to do with the children while on vacation. Are the children allowed to go skydiving? How about rock climbing? Parents can make a rule in the plan that the parent must discuss certain activities with the other parent before taking the children on them.

It is best to establish these rules right in the custody agreement so that the parents know exactly what to do. Then, a parent can head to the beach and relax with the children!

In this last post about parenting time schedules, we’ll look at some common shared parenting time schedules. Here are three more to think about.

3-3-4-4 Schedule

In this schedule, the first parent has the children for 3 days, the second parent has the children for 3 days, the first parent has the children for 4 days and the second parent then has the children for 4 days. It basically splits the week in half.

2-2-5-5 Schedule

This is a similar schedule to the one above, except the rotation is 2-2-5-5. So, the first parent has the children 2 days, the second parent has the children 2 days, the first parent has the children 5 days, and the second parent has the children 5 days. The schedule can be started any day of the week so the parents have different days.

Ackerman Custody Schedule

In this schedule, the parents set up two different parenting time schedules in the year. They do this so that the parents still have about equal time with the children, but the children can have a more stable home life. For example, the parents will set up a schedule for the children during the school year where they live primarily with one parent. Then they have a summer and winter break schedule where the children live primarily with the other parent. These schedules can be set up using any of the schedules we’ve already shown.

In continuing to look at examples of parenting time schedules for your parenting agreement, we’re going to look at some common schedules where the parents have more equal time with the children.

Alternating Weeks

In this schedule, the parents simply alternate weeks with the children. You can choose what day to switch, and you can also alternate every two weeks.

Alternating Weeks with Mid-Week Visits

This schedule is the same as above, but each parent has a visit sometime during the week. The visit can be an overnight visit (shown) or an evening visit. The parents can also schedule multiple visits.

2-2-3 Parenting Time Schedule

In this schedule, one parent has the children for 2 days, the other parent then has the child for 2 days, and then the child goes back to the first parent for 3 days. The schedule keeps rotating, and the child goes to the second parent for 2 days, the first parent for 2 days, and the second parent for 3 days.

In the final post in this series, we’ll take a look at some other common joint custody schedules.

Let’s look at some more sample parenting time schedules. This post will continue looking at schedules where the child lives primarily with one parent and visits the other parent. These schedules are all variations on the basic weekend schedule (where the child lives with one parent during the week and visits the other parent on weekends, alternating weekends, and during the evenings and on weekends).

Alternating Extended Weekends

In this schedule, the parent has visitation alternating weekends, but the weekends are extended. This calendar shows the extension on a Monday, but the extended weekend could also start on Thursday night or Friday morning.

Alternating Extended Weekends with an Overnight or Evening Visit

This schedule is the same as above, except the other parent also has a visit sometime during the week. The visit can be an evening visit for a few hours, or an overnight visit (shown). Parents can also schedule multiple visits.

1st, 3rd, and 5th Weekends

One parent has the children all the time except on the 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends. There are several variations to this schedule as well. The visitation can occur on the 2nd, 4th, and 5th weekend or the parents can alternate the 5th weekend. Mid-week visits can also be added.

In the next post, we’ll look at parenting time schedules where the parents have almost equal time with the children.

Setting up a parenting time schedule is an enormous task for divorced and separated parents. Many times, parents aren’t even sure how to begin making the schedule. The most frequent question asked is if there are any common example parenting time schedules. To help with this answer, we’re going to provide a series of posts that show some common schedules. In this first post, we’ll start by looking at some parenting time schedules where the child lives primarily with one parent and visits the other parent (these are also called sole custody schedules).

Every Weekend

In this parenting time schedule, the child lives with one parent during the week and has visitation with the other parent every weekend.

Alternating Weekends

The child lives with one parent during the week and on alternating weekends. The other parent has visitation on alternating weekends.

Alternating Weekends with an Evening Visit

The child lives with one parent during the week and alternating weekends. The other parent has the child on the other weekends and for one evening visit during the week. Parents can have the visit on any evening, and they can also have visits on multiple evenings during the week.

Alternating Weekends with a Weekly Overnight Visit

This parenting time schedule is similar to the one above, except that instead of an evening visit, it is an overnight visit. Again, parents can choose what day of the week to have the overnight and there can be multiple overnight visits. Or parents can have an evening visit and an overnight visit during the week.

In the next post, we’ll look at some more sole custody schedules with some variations on weekend time.

Some of the most frequent stories we hear are from divorced and separated parents who are trying to follow the custody agreement, but they are having a hard time because the other parent isn’t following it. Is there any way to encourage the other parent to follow the agreement better?

First, you need to know that if the other parent violates the terms and conditions of the agreement, he/she can be held in contempt of court. There really isn’t any excuse for not following the agreement if it has been approved in court. Once the court accepts an agreement, it becomes a custody order. This makes it legally binding.

So, you should keep track of when the other parent doesn’t follow the order. If necessary, you can take the parent to court and prove that they didn’t follow the order. The court will then impose a fine or other penalty.

But, you may not want to go to court right away. If you are looking for a less drastic solution, there are some things you can try instead of rushing off to court.

To begin, you need to keep a journal or log book about the infractions. If the other parent is repeatedly late about dropping the child off for visitation, you should keep notes about the actual visitation time. After a few times, you can talk with the other parent and show him/her the discrepancy in time. Depending on the amount of time that is missing, you could suggest an extra visit to make up for it. Perhaps you can make a deal where when the other parent is late, you’ll keep track of the time and get an extra visit at the end of the month.

No matter what the issue is, if you have records of it and talk to the other parent you can explain what is going on with evidence. If the other parent refuses to discuss the issue, you can explain that the only other option you have is to go to court. This should help you resolve the matter.

What’s a visitation timeshare calculator? Can it help you in your custody situation?

A visitation timeshare calculator calculates the percentage of time that the mother and father have with the children. So, if you have a this calculator when you set up your custody and visitation schedule, you will know the exact amount of time that each parent has with the children. This is very helpful for parents as they set up a schedule, and it is also necessary to figure out child support. Every state determines child support a little differently, but pretty much every state uses some variation of the visitation timeshare in the calculation. Generally speaking, the parent who has the most time with the child gets child support. In figuring out what the other parent will pay, the court factors in the visitation timeshare of that parent–the more time the parent has with the children, the less child support that parent pays.

Let’s look at a true examples of how a parenting timeshare calculator have helped people in their custody situations. Doug Conway, from Fargo, North Dakota, shared this story:

“I entered into what seemed to be a reasonable mediated settlement and was due to sign it in a few days. I was uncertain about some of the provisions of the visitation schedule as proposed, so I searched the internet for some way to help me sort it all out, and I found Custody X Change [which has a visitation timeshare calculator]. I downloaded the free trial, entered the terms of the proposed visitation schedule, and was shocked at what I saw. There in clear graphic as well as report views, Custody X Change showed me how the visitation schedule as proposed would result in far less time with my son than the paperwork had led me to believe. It also revealed multiple weekends in a row without any visitation at all, due to the proposed holiday and special event schedule. I printed off the schedule and brought it to the next mediation meeting. As a result, I was able to change the proposed schedule to avoid the problems. Without Custody X Change, I would have signed the proposed agreement and found out about the problems and conflicts only after it was too late. Custody X Change took the raw date that I had been staring at for days, and in a few minutes, gave me a crystal clear picture of the resulting schedule.”

Doug was able to use the timeshare calculator in Custody X Change to help him see the true picture of the schedule. This is one of the benefits of the software–you can enter in your schedule and see the exact time that you have with the children. Then you can know for certain that you have a shared schedule, or that you have fair visitation time.

In the last post we explored some sample custody and visitation schedules. In this part of the sample parenting agreements series, we’ll look at the second big section of the parenting agreement.

Custody Provisions and Stipulations

Once you have your schedule all figured out, you can move on to the custody provisions and stipulations. This is a vital part of your agreement because it sets up important custody rules and guidelines for your situation. The first thing to do is find out if your state requires any specific provisions in the agreement. The most common required provisions are: how parents will resolve future disputes, how changes will be made to the agreement, how the parents will handle visitation, what happens if a parent doesn’t follow the agreement, information about legal custody, etc.

After you’ve included the required provisions, take some time to think if you want to add any other stipulations. To decide this, think about the issue that causes the most problems. Then, address the issue and present a solution in the provision. For example, if you and the other parent argue about late visitation then you could include a provision that has a consequence for arriving late for visitation.

Some sample provisions that people include in their parenting agreement are:

• A parent must give the other parent a travel itinerary when traveling with the child,
• Each parent is allowed to take the child on vacation for a week during the year if they give thirty days notice to the other parent,
• A parent must inform the other parent when getting a passport for the child,
• Each parent is required to give the other parent an accurate address and telephone number,
• The mother and father must inform the other parent if they move,
• The parents must both agree on extra-curricular activities the child will be involved in,
• The parent must be informed if another adult is living in the house with the child,
• Each parent has access to the child’s records, etc.

There are countless provisions and stipulations that can enhance the agreement. Be sure to include ones that can help you.

Custody X Change version 3.15 has been released. This update changes the principle interaction with the repeating cycle and vacations.  The new interactions are:

Left Click: Does nothing (previously it swapped up to a 24-hour period).
Left-Click & Drag: Swap time between parents (same as before)
Right-Click: Open the new “Day Magnification”.
Right-Click & Drag: Does nothing (though it will be used to add 3rd-party time when I finish that)

This new Day Magnification feature makes it easy to get the exact time you want without the frustration of mouse precision.

This feature had been requested by a customer, and I think it adds a lot to the ease of use of the software.  And if you have any feature suggestions, please send me an email and let me know.

If you haven’t tried Custody X Change, download a free trial of the program by filling out the box on the right. You’ll quickly discover that that program makes it easy (especially with the new feature in 3.15) to create your parenting plan and custody agreement.

NOTE: If you did not qualify for the version 3 upgrade (parents who purchased before July 11th 2009), do not install this update.  It will invalidate your old key and you will have to login to create a new one.

Many parents feel confused and overwhelmed as they begin the process of making their parenting agreement. This is understandable, because there is a lot of information about parenting agreements that parents need to process. Many states also have different requirements for the agreement, and this can make it even more confusing.

To help parents get started, here are some sample parenting agreements. We’ll look at some of the different parts of the agreements and give examples of them. Hopefully this can make things a little more clear, and give some good ideas about how to begin the agreement.

The Custody and Visitation Schedule

This is the first part of the agreement, and it can also be the trickiest part to set up. The custody and visitation schedule, also called the parenting time schedule, outlines the time that each parent has with the children. For the schedule parents can choose between a sole or joint custody arrangement. In the sole custody arrangement, the child lives primarily with one parent and visits the other parent. In a joint custody arrangement, the child spends time living with both parents (a joint arrangement doesn’t necessarily mean that each parent has fifty percent of the time with the child–parents just try to share the time more equally).

Sample Sole Custody Schedules

• Every Weekend: In this schedule, one parent has the child on the weekdays, and the other parent has custody every weekend.
• Alternating Weekends: One parent has the child on the weekdays and every other weekend, the other parent has them on the other weekends.
• Alternating Weekends with a weekday visit: One parent has the child weekdays and alternating weekends, the other parent has alternating weekends and an evening visit during the week.
• Alternating Weekends with an overnight visit: Same as above, only the visit is overnight.
• Extended Weekends: This can go with any of the above schedule. The parent who has weekends has extended weekends–they start early (on Thursday) and/or end Monday night or Tues. morning.
• 1st, 3rd, 5th Weekends or 2nd, 4th, 5th: A parent has visitation on these weekends.

Example Joint Custody Schedules

• Alternating Weeks: Parents alternate weeks of custody
• Multiple overnight and evening visits: The child spends significant evening and overnight time with both parents.
• 2-2-5-5: The child spends two days with the first parent, goes to the second parent for two days, returns for five days with the first parent and then spends five days with the second parent.
• 3-3-4-4: Same as above, only it’s 3 and four days.

In Part 2, we’ll look at samples of the next section of the parenting plan: custody provisions and stipulations.