Child Custody & Visitation Blog

Military Custody Agreements – Preparing for Deployment

The laws pertaining to child custody and visitation vary from state to state. Some states have specific laws that apply to military families involved in custody disputes while others do not. You should become familiar with the custody laws in your jurisdiction in order to prepare for your custody proceedings.

Deployment is a fact of life in the military. Military men and women must leave their loved ones behind while they serve their country from various parts of the world. It is a huge sacrifice for the family and the armed forces member.

A deployment can last for a few weeks, a few months, or even over a year, depending on the branch of service and orders. A typical Navy deployment is about 6 month. An Army deployment is usually for 12-14 months. Deployments can also be extended and may last longer than expected.

Deployment can have a significant impact on a child. When a child’s parents are divorced, it can have an even greater effect. The deployed parent must depend on the cooperation of the custodial parent in order to stay in contact with the child. If the custodial parent refuses to allow the deployed parent to keep in contact with the child, the deployed parent has little recourse and can’t do much about it until he or she returns home.

Regardless of whether or not there are laws to protect deployed parents in your state, you can include provisions in your military custody agreement that address how the military parent and your child will communicate when that parent is deployed.

In fact, as long as both parents are able to reach an agreement, you may include anything in your custody agreement that you feel is relevant and is in the best interest of your child.

In order to reach an agreement, both parents should put their personal feelings aside and focus on the well-being of the child when creating the custody agreement and a military visitation schedule. This will help you create a plan that is fair to both parents and more importantly, fair to your child.

You should decide how the deployed parent is going to keep in touch with the child and include stipulations regarding the frequency of the communication, which parent will be responsible for paying for any necessary equipment and service fees, and any other information you would like to address.

The custodial parent should agree to help foster a relationship between the child and the other parent by cooperating with and encouraging the communication requests of the deployed parent. Once the parent has deployed, a child will need help holding on to the parental bonds he has with the other parent.

Members of the United State military should never have to worry about their custodial rights whilst fighting for our freedoms in far off lands. A well written and comprehensive custody agreement is a great way to help protect the rights of the parent and the child. Adding specific details into your custody plan will ensure your custody agreement is customized to meet your child’s needs and protects parental rights.

Categories: Child Visitation Schedule, Custody Agreements

How to Create a Successful Visitation Schedule

Most courts in the United States have some form of standard or generic visitation schedule that is provided to parents who are unable to work out an agreement on their own. As parents, you should want what is best for your child and not feel obligated or required to use a standardized schedule.

The purpose of these generic schedules is to provide the non-custodial parent with the bare minimum amount of visitation time. The amount of time a generic visitation schedule allows a child to see their non-custodial parent is “better than nothing”.

Many of these visitation schedules limit children to seeing their non-custodial parent every other weekend. That means the children spend most of their time with one parent and only get to see the other parent every two weeks.

“Every other weekend” schedules may work for some people. If the non-custodial parent has a busy career or travels a lot, every other weekend may be the only time he or she is available to spend time with the child.

Limited parental involvement may have even been a situation that might have existed prior to the divorce. However, in most situations, children want to see and need to see both of their parents more than a couple of days out of the month.

Both of you are equally important to your child. You each have your own unique roles to play in your child’s life. Children benefit from having both parents actively involved in their lives. You should make every effort to ensure your child has two parents in her life.

If you want to have a successful visitation schedule that benefits your child you will need to decline the implementation of a generic custody schedule and create your own. You will also need to work with the other parent to reach an agreement. If you do not, the end result will more than likely be the generic schedule.

Working with the other parent to create a visitation schedule may be challenging due to the nature of your relationship. It helps to keep in mind that you must do this for the sake of your child. Both of you want what is best for your child. It’s just a matter of overcoming your differences in order to reach a common goal.

You should find a way to work together in a professional manner and set your personal feelings for each other aside. If you have ever had to do it in the workplace, you must be aware that it is possible to work with someone you don’t especially like. Consider this a task you must accomplish regardless of whether or not you get along with the other parent. It must be done.

Every situation is different. There is no “magic formula” that will enable you to create the “perfect schedule” and most successful custody arrangements. You will need to evaluate your circumstances and devise a plan that will allow your child to spend frequent and ongoing time with both of you.

This does not necessarily mean you have to divide your child’s time equally between you. You just need to make sure that your child is given the opportunity to spend quality time with both of you and is able to have a good relationship with each of you.

A child should never have to feel like she has one parent she lives with and another parent that she “visits”. She should feel as if she has two parents and they are both responsible for her care and upbringing.

Once you are able to work out an agreement you should submit it to the court for approval. As long as the court finds it is in the best interest of your child, your visitation schedule should be included in the custody order. You will then experience the benefits of a schedule custom-made for your child.

Categories: Child Custody Advice, Child custody case, Child Visitation Schedule, Custody Arrangements

How to Create Successful Custody Arrangements-The Seven C’s

Once you bring your custody case to court for litigation, you can expect the end result to be a court order that you will be legally obligated to comply with until your child is eighteen.

If you want to create successful custody arrangements for your child, you will have to put forth some effort and be prepared to work with the other parent to reach an agreement.

Here are some things to consider as you make your custody arrangements (The Seven C’s):

Customization: Create a plan specifically for your child.

Your custody agreement should be as unique as your child is. Never feel as if you have to conform to accepting a standard custody plan or generic schedule.

The custody process is your opportunity to create custody arrangement specifically for your child. The most successful visitation schedules and custody agreement are ones that are customized to the specific needs of the child.

It may take a little more time and effort to create custom custody arrangements for your child but the results are well worth it.

Contemplation: Think about the needs of your child and anticipate how things will be in the future.

You will want to create a plan that is realistic and you will be able to follow. You should consider your work schedules and your child’s schedule and make a visitation schedule that will provide your child with quality time with both parents. It doesn’t make any sense to schedule visitation time when you know your child will be in daycare during that time.

You will also need to plan for the future. If you are making a custody plan for a school age child, you will want to include provisions for the needs of your child when she is a teenager. Thinking ahead will allow you to address future issues and find solutions before there is any conflict.

Concentration: Focus on the needs of your child and don’t leave anything out.

Your custody arrangements should include:

A residential schedule
A schedule for holidays and vacation times
Provisions for legal custody and making major decisions for the child
Provisions for raising the child apart, such as how to handle transportation and optional expenses
Methods for reviewing and modifying the plan
Methods for dispute resolution

Cooperation: Work together to reach an agreement.

A judge will generally approve any custody agreement that is agreed upon by both parents.

If parents are unable to reach an agreement, the court will create the custody arrangements for them.

It is always better to create your own agreement. This allows you to retain control of your child’s custody arrangements and to make a plan you are both satisfied with. Custody arrangements are easier to follow when you make them yourselves.

Communication: Listen to each other and keep each other informed.

Communication is so important when parents live apart. You will need to develop an effective method of communication if you want to have successful custody arrangements.

Some parents are able to talk in person or on the phone. Other parents may prefer to communicate in writing. The method you use to keep in touch isn’t important. Doing it is.

Can you imagine picking up your feverish child without having any idea as to when or if he was given Tylenol?

Communication is vital to the health and well-being of your child. Decide how you will communicate and include it in your plan.

Clarification: Know what your plan means.

If there are any portions of your custody agreement that are vague or could be interpreted more than one way, clarify them.

You can never have too many details in your custody agreement. If things aren’t clear, it could cause conflict in the future. Take the time to ensure your custody plan is clear, concise, and complete.

Consideration: Respect the other parent and your child.

Keep in mind that you are not the only parent. Both of you are equally important to your child and your child should be able to have a relationship with both of you without interference from either of you.

The sooner “my child” becomes “our child”, the better. You should always consider the feelings and rights of your child and your former spouse when making custody decisions.

You should also be considerate of your child’s feelings when speaking about your ex. You wouldn’t want someone talking bad about your mom or telling you what a jerk your dad is. If you must speak ill of the other parent, do it when your child is elsewhere.

Keep these “Seven C’s” in mind as you create your custody arrangements. Your diligence will be rewarded with a successful custody order that meets the needs of your child.

Categories: child custody, Child Visitation Schedule, Custody Arrangements

Visitation Schedules for School Age Children and Teenagers-Scheduling Around School

When you create a child visitation schedule for a younger child, you have a lot of flexibility since the visitation times mainly revolve around your employment schedules. Once children start school, your scheduling must accommodate your work schedules and also the child’s school schedule.

Scheduling visitation would not be too difficult if children had set schedules. If school started at the same time each morning and let out at the same time each day five days a week, it would be quite easy to establish a routine.

Unfortunately, it seems like many schools have various reasons for deviating from a set schedule. There are teacher work days, minimum days, late start days, and even weather related school closures that may interfere with a predictable routine.

When you factor in those days with school closures for vacations and holidays it can be a logistical challenge to create a visitation schedule for a school age child.

Most schools post their calendars online so you will be able to consult their calendar as you plan out your visitation schedule. However, you may want to include provisions for what to do when there is a three day weekend or other times when school is out.

You can include as many stipulations as you would like in your custody agreement so you might as well address how you will handle deviations from the normal school schedule.

Another concern you may want to address is what you will do when your child has to miss school or leave school early due to illness. Most daycares will not tend a sick child so if you cannot find someone to take care of your child when he is sick, someone is going to have to miss work to take care of him. Once your child is a teenager he should be able to stay home alone when sick but someone may have to pick them up from school if he becomes ill.

If you and your ex are both employed full-time, you may want to consider taking turns staying home from work when your child is sick. Sharing the responsibility of taking care of your child when she is sick is a fair way to ensure that one parent doesn’t have to use all of his or her sick days and vacation days to care for the child while the other parent stockpiles paid time off. Alternating sick time in this manner is something you can verbally agree to or incorporate into your custody plan.

Making sure your child gets home from school is also something you may have to worry about. When a child has two homes, a parent may assume that the child is at the other parent’s home when they are not. Teenagers and older school children have been known to decide to go to a friend’s house or somewhere else after school instead of home.

If you want to know where your child is at all times, stick to your custody schedule. If you follow your plan then you will be less likely to assume your child is with the other parent when she is really at the park or the mall because you will notice her absence with concern.

You will have plenty of challenges and other things to deal with as your raise your child. Struggling with the visitation schedule should not be one of them if you are able to create a comprehensive custody plan and visitation schedule for your teenager or school age child that addresses all of your child’s needs.

Categories: Child Custody Schedule, Child Visitation

Creating Long Distance Visitation Schedules for Toddlers and Young Children

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Children benefit tremendously from having both parents involved in their lives. Children that have both parents actively participating in their lives are generally happier and better behaved than children with an absent parent are. Most courts concede that it is … Continue reading →

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Visitation Schedules for Teenagers–Making Time for Family

Teenagers are always on the go. They have school, extra-curricular activities, some have part-time jobs, and of course, they have “social lives” and spend a lot of time with their friends.

All of these things keep teenagers busy. Married parents often find that they are not able to spend much time with their teenagers because the kids are rarely home.

How do divorced parents manage to spend time with their teenage children when they have to divide their busy child’s time? They do the best they can.

Start with creating a visitation schedule for your teenager that allows your child to spend an appropriate amount of time with each parent. You will need to decide when you child should spend time with each of you while working around their schedule.

This may look great on paper–until you find out that the schedule you wrote to accommodate football practice just doesn’t work a few months later when basketball season starts.

The key to creating a successful visitation schedule for a teenager is flexibility. Once you have established your visitation schedule, stick to it as best as you can.

For example, if visitation is supposed to start at 6pm but your daughter has cheerleading practice until 6:30pm, you may want to add the extra time that was missed on to the end of the visit.

The visitation schedule may start to feel like a “which house is my child going to sleep at tonight” schedule because sometimes it may feel like the only time you see your teen is just before he or she goes to bed.

You should try to establish some sort of routine that requires your teen to take time out of his or her “busy schedule” to make time for family.

This could be as simple as requiring your child to be home by 7:30 each night for dinner, regardless of who has visitation time. This might not work if your child has to work, but you could have your child request to have certain days off from work (such as every Wednesday) so he or she is able to spend that time with the non-custodial parent on a regular basis.

If you have had a visitation schedule for a school age child, all you had to worry about was working around his or her school schedule. Now, with all the activities and “plans” your teenager has, it may start to feel like he or she doesn’t need you.

In fact, teens need their parents more than ever. As they struggle to figure out who they are and become less dependent on their parents, teenage children still need to have their parents actively involved in their lives. They need guidance, discipline, and advice. These things should come from their parents.

You should also keep in mind that just because a teenager wants to do something doesn’t mean you have to grant them permission to do so. While having a sullen teenager sulking around the house isn’t appealing to most people, it is better than having no teenager sitting around the house at all.

Set down some ground rules and let your child know what is expected of him or her regarding family time and let him or her know that denying a social time request isn’t a punishment. Let him or her know that they are wanted and needed at home. It might not be a popular choice according to your teen but it is a good way to be able to spend a little time with your teenager.

Categories: Child Visitation Schedule

Visitation Schedules for Toddlers and Young Children

When creating a visitation schedule for a toddler or young child, you will want to make sure that your schedule is age appropriate and meets your child’s needs.

It is important that a child is given the opportunity to bond with and establish a relationship with both parents. Your child’s visitation schedule should provide your child with frequent, ongoing contact with both parents.

The age and developmental stage of your child will likely have an effect on the nature of your visitation schedule.

For example, if your toddler is quiet, reserved, and especially clingy to his primary caregiver, shorter (but frequent) visits with the other parent may work better for him. You can work up to longer visits as time progresses and your child adjusts to the routine.

If your young child is independent and does not become distressed in the absence of her primary caregiver, you should allow your child to have lengthier visits with the other parent.

Once children are old enough to understand the situation, it becomes a lot easier on both parents because the child realizes that she will be coming “home” after the visit and has the ability to verbalize his or her feelings.

While a toddler may express her emotions by crying, screaming, and throwing a fit, a pre-school age child is equipped with better communication skills should not have a problem voicing her opinion. Young children can also be reasoned with. This makes the visitation schedule easier to follow and execute.

As you create your visitation schedule for a young child or toddler, you should take cues from your child but it is also important to realize that the schedule should not be entirely based on the feelings and reactions of your child. If this were the case, a child suffering from separation anxiety would never see the non-primary parent.

It is up to you to judge what is best for your child and incorporate your child’s needs and best interests into your visitation schedule.

The best way to have your schedule approved by the court is to sit down with the other parent and work out a plan. If both of you are able to agree on a visitation schedule, the judge will review it to make sure it serves the needs of your child and will then approve it.
That sounds easier to do than it is. It can be difficult to work with the other parent and hard to agree on any aspect of your child custody case.

You should do everything you can to set aside your differences and focus on what would be best for your child. Unless your ex is a bad person and a danger to your child, you should not stand in the way of your child’s relationship with that parent.

Mediation is an available option parents make use to work out an agreement. In some jurisdictions, parents involved in a custody case are required to attend mediation.

Regardless of whether or not mediation is voluntary or mandatory, you should approach it with patience and an open mind. Mediation can be a valuable tool if you choose to use it to the advantage or your child.

Keep in mind that as your child grows, your visitation plan should grow as well. The schedule you make now for your toddler or young child probably won’t be very relevant five years from now. Your parenting plan should include a method for modifying the schedule in the future as circumstances will change.

You can also anticipate the needs of your child as he grows older by including schedules for future use. They may or may not serve the needs of your child in the future, but at least you will have something to fall back on.

Categories: Child Visitation, Child Visitation Schedule, Custody X Change

Negotiating Out-of-state Custody Arrangements

States have different laws regarding child custody, especially when one parent lives in a different state from his or her children. Negotiating child custody is difficult enough without adding the challenges of a long-distance parenting relationship after your divorce.

Whether you are currently divorcing or you are interested in seeking to revise your current child custody arrangements, your state’s laws may prevent you or the other parent from moving out of the state with the children unless you meet certain conditions. Become familiar with your state’s laws concerning moving out of state and how that affects your custody status.

Here are 5 things to know that will help you negotiate your out-of-state custody arrangement:

Know what state is considered to be your family’s home state. In most situations, you can file for custody in what is considered the children’s home state. A home state is generally considered to be where you and your children have lived for six consecutive months.
Know the laws of your state concerning the right of the custodial parent to move out of state with the children. With a greater emphasis on equal parenting rights, many states have made tighter restrictions on what a custodial parent can do when it comes to relocating.
Know that the family court will only approve changes or revisions to the child custody agreement if they are in the best interests of the children. In other words, you must show how your solutions to the out-of-state challenges you face will help your children’s development rather than hinder it.
Know what an interstate custody arrangement means to your lifestyle and that of your children. New challenges may include providing all or part of the transportation cost for your children’s visits or driving them all or partway to the other parent’s home.
Know that today’s technology can have a significant impact on maintaining the children’s bond with the long-distance parent, and that any out-of-state custody arrangement should include details on frequent, open and accessible communication between parents and children.

Whether you are moving away for a new job or the other parent is seeking to live closer to aging parents, negotiating an out-of-state custody agreement can trigger negative emotions. The thought of living far away from your children may cause you to dig in your heels and refuse to be flexible.

Although refusing to negotiate may bring you some satisfaction in frustrating the other parent, it is not the best thing for your children. Your intimate relationship with the other parent may be over, but you will always be in a partnership when it comes to raising your children.

To help them become well-adjusted, emotionally stable adults, it’s critical that your children develop meaningful relationships with both of you. Don’t stand in the way of your children creating lasting bonds with either of you.

Once you and the other parent recognize that it is in your children’s best interests to maintain deep and meaningful relationships with both of you, you can shift your focus from conflict with each other to agreeing on what’s best for them.

Categories: Uncategorized

How to Prepare a Custody Agreement for Court

If you are involved in a custody case, you should do everything you possibly can to increase your chances of having your custody agreement successfully accepted by the court.

The best case scenario is that you were able to reach a custody agreement with your ex. You were able to set your differences aside and work out an agreement for the sake of your child.

The worst case scenario is that your ex disagrees with every single thing that comes out of your mouth. You took the time to prepare a custody agreement for mediation and he or she refused to even look at it and was so hostile that you are unable to work out a single detail of your parenting plan with him or her.

Even if you were not able to reach an agreement with your ex, you should still submit a proposed custody agreement to the court. This will offer the judge some insight into the unique needs of your child. If you offer the judge valid reasons for your proposed parenting plan, he or she may be inclined to accept your plan instead of ordering you to follow a generic custody order.

The judge will review your custody agreement and has the power to make changes to it even if you both agreed to the plan. You should strive to create a custody agreement that the judge will approve “as is” so you retain control over your child’s situation.

There are three basic elements you should consider as you prepare your custody agreement for court:

Appearance–The phrase “You can’t judge a book by its cover” does not apply when you are in the courtroom. After all, you will be standing before and presenting your proposed custody agreement to a judge. Not only should you dress appropriately and present yourself in a respectable manner, your documents should be crisp and clean, as well. They should be free of folds, wrinkles, rips, stains, and smears.

The contents of your documents should be written with uniformity and you should use an appropriate font and font size. The judge will not consider a 20 point swirly font to be cute or amusing.

If you want a truly professional looking custody agreement, you should use Custody X Change to create your documents. Then all you have to worry about is entering the information. The software does the all of the formatting.

Clarity– Your custody agreement does not have to be written in “fancy” or very technical words. It should be easy to comprehend and it is acceptable to use common terms when writing your agreement.

If your custody agreement is easy to read, there should be no confusion about any of its contents in the future. You can be articulate without overwhelming the reader with “big words” and excessive legal terminology.

Content–This is the most important aspect of your custody agreement. First and foremost, your custody agreement should be written in the best interest of your child. This means that everything in your custody agreement should be written with the best intentions of doing what is best for your child. The best interest of the child is the main priority of the court and is what the court’s decisions will be based upon.

You will be legally bound to follow the terms of your custody agreement once it becomes a court order so what you choose to include in your custody agreement is very important. There are certain elements that your custody agreement must contain, such as a child visitation schedule, but you are free to include additional provisions and stipulations that are relevant to co-parenting your child.

Every aspect of the contents of your custody agreement should be extremely detailed so there is no room for interpretation. A comprehensive custody agreement with clearly stated rules will help you avoid conflict in the future.

Don’t worry about the length of your agreement. It can be 150 pages long provided that the content is relevant, agreed on by both parents, and is what is best for your child.

If you incorporate these tips into your plan, your chances of having your custody agreement approve should increase dramatically.

Categories: Child Custody Court, Custody Agreements

Preparing a Custody Agreement for Mediation or Court

Too often, people involved in custody disputes focus on what they want and getting their own way. They allow their desire to “win” to overshadow what is most important—their child.

Children with good parents benefit from having both parents actively involved in their lives. The child is the one who suffers the most harm when parents try to prevent each other from having a relationship with the child.

Since most courts concede that it is in the best interest of a child to have frequent and continuing contact with both parents, you should mirror this philosophy in your custody agreement.

Part of the custody process involves attending mediation. Mediation is mandatory in some states and voluntary in others so you should check your local statutes to see which situation applies to you. Regardless, mediation is an excellent opportunity to negotiate an agreement with the other parent.

Mediation allows parents to sit down with a neutral third party and find solutions to their custody disagreements. The mediator will serve as a much needed buffer between the parents and will help them create custody arrangements they can both agree on.

It is very important to come to mediation equipped to create the best possible custody agreement for your child. Preparing a custody agreement for mediation isn’t a difficult task but you should put careful thought and consideration into all aspects of your agreement.

You should keep in mind that your custody agreement will eventually become a court order that you and your ex will be legally obligated to follow until your child reaches adulthood or you go back to court to try to modify the plan. You should include as many details as possible when making your agreement.

For example, if you both agree that each of you will be responsible for paying for half of the child’s medical expenses you should include that in the plan. However, simply stating that “The parents shall each pay for 50% of the child’s medical expenses” is a pretty vague statement. When you leave things open to interpretation in your custody agreement, you create the opportunity for conflict to arise.

Instead, try to predict all possible aspects of every situation. A more thorough stipulation might state:

Each parent shall be responsible for paying 50% of the child’s medical and dental expenses incurred for preventative and medically necessary health care.
The parent that incurs the medical expense shall provide a copy of the medical invoice to the other parent within 10 days after receiving it from the medical provider.
If a parent should fail to provide the other parent with a copy of an invoice within 30 days of receipt, that parent shall be solely responsible for paying the invoice.
Each parent shall be responsible for paying their portion directly to the provider according to the terms of the invoice.
Should a provider require payment in advance, the parent incurring the charges shall pay the upfront costs and provide the other parent with a copy of the invoice and the receipt in order to be reimbursed.

The details in the above example may seem a bit excessive but Luke B. from Nashville was forced to go back to court to modify his custody order to include similar verbiage after his ex-wife presented him with a “bill” for $1800 for his portion of their children’s medical expenses.

The provision in their prior custody order was generic and non-descript so she felt compelled to “bill” him for an entire year’s worth of expenses all at once.

Your custody arrangements should be thoroughly detailed in order to prevent conflict, misinterpretation, and to protect yourselves from being taken advantage of.

To start preparing your custody agreement for mediation you should make a list of everything you want to include in your custody agreement. You will need to determine what kind of custody each of you shall have and decide on a visitation schedule. You will need to decide who will make certain decisions or have the final say regarding important matters in the child’s life. You will also need to include the provisions that will serve as the rules and regulations for co-parenting your child.

Once you have decided what to include in your agreement, consider each topic carefully and create specific instructions. Then you will need to incorporate everything and write your proposed custody agreement.

Custody X Change is a great way to create your custody agreement. The software guides you through many common topics and allows you to enter your own provisions as well.

Bring copies of your proposed parenting plan to mediation for the mediator and your ex. You should be prepared to explain why you feel your proposed agreement is in the best interest of your child and give valid reasons for your requests.

The other parent may have different ideas. Some of them you may agree with and you may have to compromise on some issues. Try to keep an open mind and remember that this agreement is for your child and you want what is best for him or her.

There may be some unresolved issues even after attending mediation. As you prepare your custody agreement for court you should notate which portions of your proposed custody arrangements were agreed upon and which portions need to be decided on by the judge.

In the end, all of your thoroughness and hard work should pay off because the details in your custody agreement will help things run smoothly. You child will be happier because you will have more time to focus on him or her when you are not wasting time fighting with your ex.

Categories: child custody, Child Custody Advice, Child Custody Schedule, Custody Agreements, Parenting Plans

Making Parental Custody Agreements Less Overwhelming

Getting divorced is stressful, especially when there are child custody issues involved. As part of your divorce proceedings, you and the other parent must work together to create a parental custody agreement.

This detailed document outlines what you and the other parent agree to when it comes to raising your children together. It is a powerful tool in providing your children with a stable and healthy environment, reducing conflict between you and ensuring that your parental rights and responsibilities are clear.

Most parents have never created such an extensive and important document before, and you may feel overwhelmed by the amount of information you are expected to generate.

However, if you take each topic by itself and address the key issues, you can work together in manageable segments rather than skip all over the place.

Here are the major topics included in standard parental custody agreements:

Visitation Schedule: This is the calendar that outlines where your children will be on any given day of the year. It covers school days, holidays, vacations and special days. Don’t forget to include drop-off and pick-up times in your parenting time guidelines so there is no confusion.
Information access: This designates what information you and the other parent are entitled to receive on behalf of your children. Medical records, school records, extracurricular notices, religious events, and more can be included here.
Moral environment: This specifies what types of activities are inappropriate or discouraged when the children are with you or the other parent. Examples include restricting overnights with romantic partners while the children are present or leaving children with a third party that both parents have agreed upon.
Positive inter-parental relationship: This clarifies that it is inappropriate for either you or the other parent to talk badly about the other or otherwise attempt to alienate or sabotage the children’s relationship with the other parent. Each of you agree to promote a healthy, ongoing relationship with each other as well as the children.
Communication: This outlines what communication is expected and appropriate between you and the other parent, including keeping phone numbers current and what to do if one of you cannot connect with the other. It also covers communication between children and each parent, including never restricting communication with the other parent.
Disputes: This offers guidance in what steps will occur when you and the other parent disagree over something in the parental custody agreement. For example, you can agree to go to a mediation session to work the issue out.
Relocation procedures: This specifies what will happen if you or the other parent choose to relocate from your present home to an area a considerable distance away. Steps include revising your parenting agreement and possibly redefining custody.

When you can take a big task and break it down into manageable sections, the process is not so overwhelming. Ask yourself the hard questions about what is really best for your children versus what your own desires are.

When you and the other parent can provide honest answers about things that are in your children’s best interests, your parental custody agreement will be much easier to create.

Categories: Uncategorized

Military Parenting Plans Outline Temporary Custody Shifts

When you divorce, you and the other parent must create a parenting plan—one that provides a stable routine of visits with your children. Whether you have sole custody or joint custody, a parenting plan is designed to help you and the other parent raise your children together even though you are no longer a couple.

When you or the other parent serve as military active duty, your custody issues include a level of complexity than other standard parenting plans. A military parenting plan covers all the basics, plus any unique aspects of your involvement in the armed forces.

Military service can cause you to spend long periods away from your children with no ability to care for them or even make visitations.

Here are a few military-related instances that might force you to adjust child custody temporarily:

Temporary transfer to another location for training
Transfer to a location that doesn’t support families
Mobilization
Deployment

If you are suddenly required to leave, your parenting plan must change. Preparing in advance for something like deployment will make that transition period much smoother for your whole family.

Deciding visitation issues through a temporary military custody schedule ahead of time will make the transition easier because you

In the past, if a service member left for long periods of time, the other parent might be able to file for permanent custody. Military parents would return to find their custody stripped and their parental rights affected.

Today, through a series of state and federal laws, there can be no permanent custody action taken while he or she is away.

Military parents can apply for an expedited hearing where they can present a sample parenting plan and military custody schedule to the family court. As long as the plan supports the children’s needs, the judge is likely to approve it.

Most states now specify that the temporary military parenting plan will be dissolved within a week or two after the military parent returns home. While the other parent can still take legal action, nothing permanent can be ruled while the service member is away without a very good reason.

Because things like deployment prevent a military parent from fulfilling visitations, he or she can also request that the children have visitations with close extended family members, such as grandparents.

This can help the children adjust to the military parent’s absence, keep relationships strong from supportive family members and maintain contact with people the children are familiar with.

When you create your military parenting plan, be sure to examine the laws concerning military service and child custody and incorporate them into the plan. When you know your parental rights as they relate to your military service, you’ll reduce your risk of a custody battle.

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Newborn and Infant Visitation Schedules—How to Foster Parental Bonds

Custody does not have to be a battle. In fact, fighting with your ex all the time will only create stress, tension, and hostility that will have a negative effect on your child.

Ultimately, you and your ex are the people responsible for the disposition of your custody case. How you choose to handle yourselves will have a tremendous impact on your case and on your child.

Many parents that split up harbor ill feelings toward each other. This makes it difficult for them to deal with their custody matters in an appropriate manner. They refuse to let go of the negative feelings and abhorrence of each other. Instead of concentrating on what is best for their child, they tend to use the child as a way to hurt the other parent.

Children are not weapons and should not be used as such. Using a child to harm the other parent is more harmful to the child than anyone else.

When parents are able to get past the animosity they feel for each other and make sure the needs of their child are being met, they are able to make custody arrangement that meet their child’s needs.

The sooner you can start saying “our child” instead of “my child”, the better. You are both equally important to your child and your child deserves to have both of you in his or her life.

Parents who truly love their children want what is best for them. Children can never have “too much” love. The ideal situation is for children to be able to develop relationships with both of their parents and to have two good parents actively involved in their lives.

Child custody litigation is very time consuming. After you have an initial court appearance, it can be weeks before the next one occurs. It may take months or even years before your custody arrangements are finalized.

If you want to avoid a long drawn out process, you should do everything in your power to reach an agreement with the other parent. When parents are able to create a custody agreement and submit it to the court, the court will review the plan to ensure it meets the child’s needs and will generally approve it.

If you are unable to reach an agreement, you will continue to battle it out in court until the judge makes a final ruling. You will then be legally obligated to follow the court ordered custody and visitation arrangements.

If you have a newborn, it is important to create a newborn visitation schedule that allows your new baby to have frequent visits with the non-primary parent. Since is it unlikely that you are going to be in court the day after the baby is born, you will want to have an informal agreement in place in the meantime.

In most (but certainly not all) cases, the mother is considered to be the sole custodian of the newborn until a court determines otherwise. The best thing you can do to help establish a relationship between the other parent and your baby is to draft a temporary visitation schedule for your newborn and follow it on your own. This will allow your baby to bond with each of you even though there isn’t a court order for visitation.

The court looks favorably on parents who are able to successfully create and follow a schedule on their own. In fact, the willingness of a parent to help foster a relationship between the child and the other parent is a factor most courts consider when making a ruling.

As you create your newborn visitation schedule, you may want to consider that the lengths of the visits are not as important as how often the visits occur. Babies don’t have a very good concept of time. They are not going to know the difference between an eight hour visit and a two hour visit. This is why frequency is a factor.

Think about it:

A baby who is only a week old and has had just one eight hour visit with the other parent during that time will have only seen the other parent once in his or her lifetime (so far).

A newborn that has had three two-hour visits with the other parent during his or her first week of life will have spent time with the other parent almost every other day or his or her little life.

Frequency builds familiarity. Shorter visits allow your child to spend time with the other parent without becoming distressed at the absence of the primary caregiver.

As your baby grows, the visitation schedule will grow with as well. Your infant visitation schedule should expand on the initial newborn visitation schedule and allow the child to spend more and more time with the other parent.

Longer visits and overnight visitation will come with time and according to the circumstances if you aren’t comfortable with this type of visitation schedule in the beginning.

As with everything regarding your child, you should assess your child’s needs and what is in your child’s best interests when formulating your plan.

Categories: Child Visitation, Child Visitation Schedule, Uncategorized

The New Mother’s Guide to Newborn and Infant Visitation Schedules

If you are a first time mother and separated from your baby’s father, you may not even know where to begin dealing with custody issues.

The good news is that in most states an unwed mother is considered to be the natural custodian of the child. This means that unless your ex goes to court and files for custody, you have sole custody of your baby.

Many states require that fathers establish paternity before they can get custody of or visitation with a child. You may want to check out the laws pertaining to child custody and visitation where you live.

Sometimes paternity can be established if both parents agree that the man is the father. It might be established when the father signs the birth certificate. Some states require DNA testing. The rules for establishing paternity vary from state to state.

Once paternity is established, your custody case can begin. You will quickly learn that unless you and your ex are able to present the judge with a mutually agreed upon parenting plan and infant visitation schedule, you are going to have to return to court several times. The custody process may take months or even years to complete.

One of the things the judge considers when making a custody ruling is which parent is more likely to allow the other parent to have access to the child. If you are able to demonstrate to the court that you created a temporary newborn visitation schedule that allowed your ex to spend time with the baby it will show the court that you care about your child. The court will appreciate your willingness to allow the other parent to be in the child’s life.

When you create your visitation schedule you should make sure that your ex is available to visit the baby on the days and times you list in the plan. The best way to do this is to work with your ex and try to figure something out. Choose visitation times that are convenient for both of you and that won’t disrupt the baby’s schedule.

Babies should be afforded the opportunity to bond with the other parent. Many experts agree that shorter yet more frequent visits are better for babies. It would be far more advantageous for the baby to see the other parent four times a week for two hours at a time than for one eight hour visit per week. Frequency is much more important than the duration of a visit when it applies to babies.

If your ex fails to show up for the visits you should keep track of what really happens. The judge will be very interested to know if he only came two out of the eight assigned visits in a two week period. The judge isn’t going to look very favorably on a parent that is disinterested in their own child.

If your ex shows up to every visit without fail—consider yourself lucky that your little one has a good and loving father. Parenting isn’t only a right, it is a responsibility. Sometimes life is unpredictable and unforeseen events may interfere with visitation. Missing one visit doesn’t mean he is a horrible father. The problem occurs when this behavior becomes a pattern.

If you can set your differences aside and create a parenting plan and child visitation schedule that focuses on what is best for your baby, you will have a solid foundation on which your future schedules will be based.

Your visitation schedule will need to be modified as your child grows and his or her needs change. Maintaining a professional approach to dealing with the other parent now should prove to work out for you in the long run.

Categories: Child Visitation, Child Visitation Schedule

Make the Most of Your Co-Parenting Calendar

Raising your children with the other parent when you are divorced introduces a range of challenges that can threaten your children’s healthy development. It’s tough to put aside your past relationship issues and focus on your children.

One of the most valuable tools that you and the other parent can use to forge a cooperative working relationship is a co-parenting calendar. This calendar goes by many different names, such as parenting visitation schedule, custody schedule and parenting time calendar.

A co-parenting calendar is essentially an easy-to-read calendar that shows where your children will be on any given day, what time any transfers will take place between homes and marks any holidays, vacations or other special events.

Parts of a Co-Parenting Calendar

A co-parenting calendar is part of the larger, more comprehensive document known as your parenting plan. You must agree to some sort of schedule or calendar at your custody hearing to show the family court that you and the other parent have carefully considered how visitation will work between you.

A co-parenting calendar should consist of several things:

The daily schedule, sometimes called the residential schedule. This includes visitations for a normal week with regular school hours and no special days included. The majority of weeks in the year will align with this schedule.
The vacation schedule. This includes blocks of time where you or the other parent will be taking the children away from your residence. Decide how much advanced notice each parent needs to give the other, whether vacations can take place during school and what is age appropriate for the children.
The holiday schedule. Your calendar should note any holidays that take place each year, including school breaks, state holidays and national holidays. Decide how your children will spend each holiday in advance so everyone can make plans accordingly. Don’t forget special days like birthdays in this schedule.

It’s much better to negotiate your parenting visitation schedule for a year rather than battle with each other every time a holiday approaches. When the decisions have already been made concerning visitation, there isn’t much to argue about and your children benefit from knowing where they’ll be and with who.

Calendars Benefit Everyone

When you and the other parent agree in advance on a co-parenting calendar, there will be less day-to-day conflict. Reduced conflict lets you both stay calm, consistent and mature, which greatly benefits your children.

You’ll see the benefits for you, the other parent, and especially your children when you follow your detailed visitation schedule. When you both are working together to provide your children with a stable and positive environment, they are more likely to thrive.

For the sake of your children, you and the other parent must push conflict, negative feelings and hurt aside and create a workable co-parenting calendar together that works for all of you.

During and after your divorce, your children will realize that they are more important to you than getting back at the other parent. They will understand that your love and devotion will help them through any changes that arise.

When your children see you and the other parent in a co-operative relationship, they will:

Feel more secure
Adjust more quickly to the changes that divorce brings
Have higher self esteem
Benefit from consistency between your two households
Know what to expect from each parent
Follow your positive example in resolving conflict

Despite your problems with each other in the past, you and the other parent have the power to initiate and maintain a positive relationship with each other for the health and well-being of your children.

A co-parenting calendar can help you both stay calm during transfers, remain consistent in your daily lives and be a positive example for your children.

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