What to Ask Yourself Before Creating a Custody Schedule
Determining a custody schedule does not have to be an overwhelming process. We have compiled a list of questions to ask yourself and help you determine the best option for you, the other parent, and especially your child.
The best situation for any child is to be a part of both parents lives who are committed to a good co-parenting relationship. Remember to always put your child's needs first.
Are you filing for joint or sole custody?
Filing for joint or sole custody may or may not make a difference in your custody schedule. The location of the parents, needs of the child, and other issues may be more of a factor. With either custody situation, you can split the time 50/50 or have exchanges only a few times a year due to proximity. This question is to get you thinking about your unique situation and any barriers that may exist.
Is there any past history of substance, physical or sexual abuse? Will there have to be supervised visitation for any reason?
A past history of abuse will come into play when determining how much time the child will have with each parent. Many times the courts will arrange a supervised visitation program. Make sure you know how long supervised vision will take place and what happens after it is over. Example: Do you and the other parent set up a new schedule, does it go back to the court to decide, etc.
Are you planning on splitting the child's time equally or will one parent have more time than the other?
There are a number of different time schedules available. Many of these depend on the current situation and location of the parents. Think about any current and possible situations that would limit how much time the child has with you or the other parent.
Do both parents get along? Can you talk to each other without fighting?
Your relationship with your ex is vital in choosing a schedule. Does your relationship allow you to exchange the children frequently or are there too many hard feelings? If you are unable to hold a civil conversation, you would want to choose a schedule that has fewer exchanges. This might be more difficult for you but you do not want your child to dread exchanges because of fighting.
What is the distance between the parent's homes, child care, schools, etc? Is it practical to have frequent visitation exchanges?
It is easier to have more frequent visitation exchanges if the parents live close to each other. You will both be able to share in the life of your child. Create a plan which will allow equal or somewhat equal time with each parent.
It is more difficult to split the time equally with a parent who lives further away and is usually not practical to have frequent visitation exchanges. There are a few exceptions if both parents are willing to commit to the travel time and the children are not in traditional school or have other needs.
Do both parents have stable home environments?
It is important the child feels safe at both homes. They should feel a part of the family and not like a visitor. If you do not have a stable home environment, you may want to make a temporary schedule. The schedule can change to be more permanent once you establish this environment.
What are the schedules and lifestyles of each parent? Does one parent travel frequently?
The life of the parents makes a huge difference in what custody schedule you create. It will be harder to follow a standard plan if one of the parents has an irregular work schedule or travels frequently. You may have to develop a custody schedule to your unique situation.
The lifestyle you and your ex have also is important to consider. Are you involved in school or a hobby which takes a lot of time? Is having a social life important to you? Will you be starting to date again? Arrange your custody schedule if possible so your child can spend as much time with the other parent while you are busy.
What is the age of the child?
The age of your child is very important. Some states have recommendations or requirements of what the visitation schedule should be if your child is very young.
Infants and toddlers do better when there is a stable home base and it might be best to schedule the visit at the child's residence. When your child is school age, they can more easily adapt to moving back and forth. Older children in high-school care mostly about their schedule and having their life disrupted.
Realize one schedule will probably not work for the life of the child.
What is the temperament of your child. How well do they adapt to new situations? What special needs does your child have?
How your child adapts to new situations is very important. Some children like consistency and changing homes frequently can cause them a great amount of anxiety. Your child may feel like they just get settled in to a new home and then they have to switch. A longer exchange would work best in this situation.
Perhaps your child loves change and enjoys going back and forth as much as possible. A shorter exchange schedule works great in this situation. If you have multiple children, decide what would be best for them as a whole. Make sure you keep them together and on the same schedule.
A child can have a variety of special needs which should be considered. Do they have any specific medical conditions or medications that prevent them from being easily exchanged? Are they involved in any early child intervention programs and what are their time commitments? These are all important to consider when determining the frequency and length of custody exchanges.
Is my child in school? How are they doing academically? What amount of home work do they have? Will they be able to remember all their assignments and papers each time they exchange homes?
School age children may find it difficult to go back and forth between parents. Emotionally and physically they are ready but you must communicate frequently with your child, the other parent, school, and teacher. You and your ex must be committed to making sure all the homework, folders, papers, and books go with the child each time there is an exchange.
Consider how much homework your child has and if they can handle the workload while going back and forth. Some teachers do not like the mid-week switching because it is too hard for both parents to know what is happening and the child can fall behind. Establish a organized system for your child if you decide to change midweek. Base your schedule on what works best for you and your family and not what a teacher may prefer.
What activities is my child involved in? What time commitments are involved in these activities?
Children are involved in many activities which require a lot of time, especially as they get older. You will want to consider this when determining a schedule especially if your child is regularly involved in many activities.
Create a special schedule if your child is involved in a seasonal activity. Use it for a specific time period and follow a different schedule for the majority of the year. Make sure you allow plenty of time for the other parent to be a part of the child's life while they are involved in these activities.
What is your goal in creating this schedule?
Both parents should have the same goal: to be involved in the life of their child and have a successful co-parenting relationship where the needs of the child are first.
You might find yourself choosing a schedule that works best for you and not well for the other parent. Now is the time for you to realize your relationship with them needs to change. Start looking at them as an equal part in creating your child. Put any negative or hurt feelings to the side and move forward in the new situation.
Are you committed to doing whatever it takes to make a successful schedule?
You will have to communicate with the other parent and they will be a part of your life. There is no one successful schedule for everyone and there is no way to tell in advance if a certain schedule will work best for your situation. If the schedule needs to be adjusted, change it. Be flexible as you all move forward in this new journey.
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