Child Custody & Visitation Blog

In the last post we went over some of the custody rights that parents have when they live in different states. There are also many situations where a mother and father live in the same state, get a custody order in their state, and then one of the parents needs to move. What are a mother’s custody rights or a father’s custody rights if they want to relocate to another state?

No matter where you live, you have the right to see your child. This is true if you relocate to another state. Moving away doesn’t mean that you are giving up the right to have access and visitation to your child. In most cases, when one parent relocates, the custody agreement must be revised so that each parent can see the child. However, parents must remember that their custody agreement should always be in the best interest of the child.

Now, most parents have something about relocation in their child custody order. If this is the case, you must follow the custody order and if you need to have it changed, you can get a child custody modification. For example, if you have a clause in your agreement that states you must live in a certain place (like in a school district or city boundary) and you need to move, you should first talk to the other parent and try to work things out. If you can work out a solution together, or if the other parent agrees to your move, then the custody modification is easy–you merely submit it. If the other parent doesn’t agree to the modification, you will need to go to court and prove to the court that it is in the child’s best interest to have the change–so you would need to show that the child’s life would improve by moving.

If you have custody of the children and the other parent has visitation, you must have permission from the other parent and the court to move. If both parents can work out a visitation schedule and the other parent doesn’t object to your moving then it is fine. It is always best if the parents can come to an agreement. If the other parent does not want you to move, he/she can file a petition with the court to have your relocation stopped.  You will then have to go to court to get permission. You will need to prove that the move is in the child’s best interest and that the other parent will still have access and visitation with the child. You should never use relocating as a way to try and block the other parent from seeing the children.

If you do not have custody of the children and the custodial parent is moving, you still have the right for visitation. If the other parent is trying to deny you visitation, you should file a petition with the court and if the court agrees with you the other parent cannot move. You will have the chance to show the court that the move isn’t in the best interest of the child and that your visitation will be denied.

If you do not have custody of the children and need to relocate, you should talk to the other parent. It is best if you can work out a new custody and visitation schedule. If the other parent is not willing to work with you, you will need to go to court and get a custody order modification. You will need to show a reasonable way to continue visitation and prove that the child will benefit from that.

As with any custody issue, the exact laws of each state differ. Check your state laws, make sure you understand the agreements in your custody order, and consult with an attorney if you need to.

Child custody situations can be very complicated–especially if the parents live in separate states, or if a parent wants to move to a different state after separation. What are a parent’s child custody rights in these cases? How can the custody issues be worked out?

In this post we’ll look at a situation where the parents of the child live in different states. This also applies to the cases where a mother or father quickly moves to a different state (with or without the child) to try and get around the custody rulings in their home state.

First, parents should realize that once a custody case has been opened–meaning custody papers have been filed and the case is still going on in the court–the parents are not allowed to move with the child. If a mother or father takes the child out of state at this time it is kidnapping. If you are fearful that the other parent will take the child and move, you must act immediately to obtain a temporary child custody order. This will make it easier for the law enforcement to find the other parent should the need arise.

Now, to help regulate custody issues between the state, every state has adopted the Uniform Child-Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA). This act governs insterstate child custody cases. To fine a complete copy of the act, visit this site: http://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/189181.pdf

Basically, this act specifies when states have jurisdiction over a custody case. Some of the main points include:  a custody case must be held in the state court where the child has lived for at least six months, if a custody case is pending in one state another case can’t be started in another state, and the state where the initial case was settled will decide about modifications. This means that a parent can’t move around with the child hoping to get a different court to give a different ruling about custody. The case must go to the court where the child lives and once the case is opened it stays at that court. So, if a mother and father live in different states, they have the custody right to know that their custody case will be handled in the court in the state where the child has been living for the last six months. If the child hasn’t lived in a single place for the last six months, the courts will look at where the child is most at home (some of the factors that indicate a child’s home are if there is a lot of extended family in the area, the child has spent a lot of time growing up in one place, etc).

Along with the UCCJEA, states have accepted the Federal Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act (the PKPA). This act requires that states enforce custody agreements that come from another state and that a state not exercise jurisdiction over a custody case if another state claims jurisdiction. This is another law that helps child custody cases be heard in the proper place.

In the next post we’ll look at what parents should do if they need to relocate to a different state when they have a custody order.

When parents are not able to agree on the terms and conditions of their custody arrangements, the custody court must decide these issues. Sometimes a judge will order a child custody evaluation to help the court make the best decisions for the child and sometimes a parent will obtain a custody evaluation to help them with their custody case in court. A child custody evaluation is generally done by a social worker or psychologist. The professional assesses the parental fitness of the mother and father and reports back to the court.

A custody evaluation should help determine what is in the best psychological interest of the child. This is done by the evaluator interviewing the child, the parents, observing the interaction between the parents and the child, looking at school and other records, etc. The evaluator can then figure out the developmental needs of the child and assess the capacity of each of the parents to meet those needs.

The American Psychological Association has published guidelines for a custody evaluation. You can read those guidelines here: http://www.apa.org/practice/childcustody.html

One important guideline to note is that the psychologist who performs the evaluation should be objective and impartial. The evaluator isn’t on either parents’ side and should report the facts to the court. If a parent feels that an evaluator is not impartial, they should inform the court and try to get a new psychologist.

If you are a parent who wants a custody evaluation to help in child custody court, you will have to pay for it yourself. The general cost of a psychologist to perform an evaluation is $150-200 dollars per hour. The total cost is usually between $750-1500. If a court orders an evaluation, the parents usually don’t have to pay. Check your state laws for more information about that.

A parent shouldn’t be concerned about the custody evaluation. It is helpful if the parent is honest and forthcoming about their relationship with the child and the other custody factors. Of course you want the evaluator to see that you’re a good parent, and that will be shown as you interact with the child.

A child custody petition can mean several things in a custody situation. Here are some of the ways that this phrase is used.

1. A child custody petition is a custody form that begins a custody case. In some states, a parent files a custody petition to get a case started. After the first parent files the petition, the other parent has the opportunity to respond. The case then moves on from there.

2. A child custody petition is a form where a parent requests custody. Sometimes a custody petition refers to one parent seeking custody of the child. This form usually requires that the parent also turn in a custody agreement or parenting plan that contains a regular custody schedule, a holiday schedule, vacation time, and any special events.

3. A custody petition can be a request for a child custody modification. If a parent wants the current custody order changed, they can file a petition for a custody modification.

We get a lot of feedback from parents who are involved in their custody case. Some of these parents hire a child custody lawyer to help them work things out and prepare for court. Here are some of the suggestions we have heard that can help parents who are looking to find the right child custody attorney for their situation.

1. Look for competence. We’ve heard stories from people who hire a custody lawyer because the lawyer professed an interest in fathers’ or mothers’ rights. Don’t get taken in by that. Any lawyer you hire will fight for your rights–because you are paying them to do so. An attorney who says they specialize in a particular parents’ rights may use that to build up clients, instead of relying on their track record. Look for an attorney who has a history of doing well in court and who has positive recommendations from previous clients.

2. You want your attorney on the same page as you. As you look around for a custody lawyer, know what you want your lawyer to accomplish. Perhaps you are hoping that your attorney can work with the other parent and avoid a messy child custody battle. Maybe you only need a little help filing some forms and you don’t want anything more than that. Or, maybe you need an aggressive attorney because the child’s other parent is being unreasonable. Think of how you want your lawyer to help you and ask questions to help you determine if a particular attorney can provide that help.

Along with this idea, you should look for an attorney with the mindset that you are an employer looking for someone to work for you. You are paying your lawyer for the work that they do, so you are the person who ultimately controls what will happen. We have heard some tragic stories from some parents who use custody software to make a great custody agreement, only to have their attorney ignore it or become angry. Before you start a professional relationship with an attorney, find out their views on you helping with the case–using custody software, doing your own homework, etc. You don’t want to work with a lawyer who won’t let you do any of your own work because the lawyer wants to make more money.

3. Look around until you find the right attorney. Some parents hurry and hire the first lawyer they speak to. Take a little time and investigate. Most attorneys are willing to discuss how they will handle your case before you hire them. Be prepared to ask questions so you find the right person. And, if at any time you are unhappy with your attorney, don’t hesitate to talk to them about changes that need to happen. If you are still unsatisfied, you can always look for another lawyer. Remember that you are paying someone to help you figure out your child custody case. If you aren’t happy with the results, you can can pay someone else.

In the last two posts we’ve looked at some common custody stipulations that parents include in their parenting plans and custody agreements. Here’s a final post that looks at a few more of those stipulations.

1. Contact between the parents and the children. These custody stipulations setup rules that the parents must follow about how they contact and interact with the children. The parents can include a stipulation that outlines when it is appropriate for a parent to call the children when the children are at the other parent’s house, if the parent and the child can communicate in other ways, if the parents want to setup telephone visits, etc. Parents can also choose to include stipulations that say the parents will not use the children as a messenger and the parents will not speak negatively about the other parent in front of the children.

2. Prohibiting certain substances and practices in front of the child. If necessary, the parents can include stipulations that require the parents not drink alchohal a certain number of hours or days before caring for the child and that the child not be exposed to tobacco smoke. The parents can also include a provision that requires either parent to submit to random drug testing. These should only be used if a parent has had a problem in the past.

3. Preventing future dispute and argument. Parents generally include, and some courts require parents to include, a provision that spells out how the parents will resolve future disputes and make changes to the custody agreement and schedule.

Remember that you should include stipulations in your agreement for anything you want the other parent to follow or agree to. If it isn’t part of your custody agreement, the other parent is not obligated in any way. Think carefully about some stipulations that can help your situation work better and put those in your parenting plan.

In that last post we discussed some of the reasons why parents should include custody stipulations in their parenting plans and we looked at some sample stipulations that parents commonly include. Let’s look at some more sample stipulations that can enhance your custody agreement and make it run more smoothly. Remember that Custody X Change has a long list of stipulations you can choose from to add to your agreement. You can download a free trial to check them out.

1. Stipulations about travel with the children. Each parent will most likely have vacation time with the children. It’s important that parents include necessary stipulations about vacations so there are no surprises. Parents can add a provision that states the other parent gets a travel itinerary when a parent takes the child on vacation. They can also include a stipulation that says a parent must get written permission from the other parent to take the child out of the state or country. Another common provision is that a parent must notify the other parent if they get the child a passport.

2. Notification of current information. Unless there is a stipulation in the custody agreement that says otherwise, a parent can move and not tell the other parent their address. Some provisions to consider are: each parent must keep the other parent updated on a current address and telephone number, a parent must notify the other parent that they have moved within so many days of moving, that the parents must tell each other if they plan on moving the child to another residence, etc.

3. Child care. Parents can include stipulations so that the mother and father are on the same page about child care. The stipulations can ensure that both parents know who is caring for the child at all times, that if a parent needs a babysitter the other parent has the first right for the time, that certain people are not allowed to care for the child, etc.

Hopefully these example stipulations give you something to think about. We’ll have one more post discussing common custody stipulations for your custody agreement.

It’s important that parents put in necessary custody stipulations in their child custody agreement or parenting plan. Custody stipulations, also called custody provisions, provide rules and principles for the parents to follow as they raise their children. Parents can put stipulations into the agreement or parenting plan to ensure that both parents adhere to certain standards and conditions whenever the child is in that parent’s care.

Parents should put a stipulation in the parenting plan for anything they want the other parent to be required to follow. The information in the custody agreement and parenting plan become the custody order, and this is a legal document. Both parents are legally obligated to follow the custody order, and if they don’t they can be held in contempt of court. Thus, having something in the custody order is the only way to guarantee the parent will do it–and the only way to have a punishment if the parent doesn’t do it. So, parents should consider what rules and standards they want as part of the law. Here are some sample custody stipulations that parents commonly put in their custody agreements.

1. Information about joint custody and decision making. Parents need to have information about how they will share decision making responsibility for the child. Stipulations are a good place to provide further information about how the parents will make decisions and share that obligation. A specific stipulation could spell out that each parent must give input when deciding on the child’s schooling, medical care, religious upbringing, etc. There could also be a stipulation that spells out the punishment if a parent makes a decision without consulting the other parent.

2. School and extra-curricular events. It is usually wise for parents to include some stipulations for how they will handle school and extra-curricular events. The mother and father can put in a provision that states that both parents must discuss and agree before enrolling the child in a particular extra-curricular event. Or that a parent must inform the other parent if a school event falls on the time the child is with the other parent. There can even be stipulations that spell out when it is acceptable for each parent to attend the school and extra-curricular events.

3. Transportation for exchanges. Along with figuring out the custody schedule, parents need to decide how they will get their children from one home to the other. This can be done through stipulations that include information about if the parents will meet at a neutral location for exchanges, if one of the parents will drive the children to the other house, the requirement of the child to wear a seat belt during the transporting, consequences if a parent is late, etc. This can make the exchanges go more smoothly and can eliminate future disputes.

These are just a few of the custody stipulations that can be added to a parenting plan. We’ll look at some more in the next post as well.

We’ve released a new version of Custody X Change.  This version is noteworthy for the following new features:

Here are two testimonials from family law professionals.

The first is from Julie Allender,

“I no longer am in a situation of Custody Visitations as I was awarded sole legal and physical Custody in October but I am now entering into a different phase and studying to become a Paralegal and possibly more and I will push your product at every opportunity I can as it is a valuable time and stress savor!”

The second is from Carrie Howell,

“I have been researching family law for a long time. You’re software is by far the most superior out there. Any of my (I can’t use clientele because I research for free) that asks for help has been and will be recommended your software. Thank you for allowing me a thirty-day trial of it so I could check it out for myself to recommend to others.”

We want to pass on two stories that moms have recently emailed.

The first is from Leslie Conn,

“Having a child with special needs (autism) can be overwhelming. Trying to work out a custody schedule in the midst of a divorce can be tiring and expensive. we needed everything to be spelled out in simple terms. The money we saved using your user friendly custody exchange went to extra’s for my sons therapy. There was no confusion on where and when each of us had him. There isn’t a lot my ex and I agreed on but the user friendly program you provided worked for both of us. Thanks, Leslie”

The second is from Hannah Anderson,

“The man I am divorcing was hardly ever involved in my child’s day to day activities for 5 years (TV was more important).  The minute I asked for a divorce he told me that he wants joint custody.  I used Custody X Change to put together a schedule that I could live with.  Then I used the tips to make his time look as high as it could.  I think I have convinced him to agree to my schedule and save us both lots of hours fighting through our attorneys.

I used the tip about adding school and daycare hours into his times so that it looks like he gets about 5% more time.  I also used the tip about holiday schedules and the tip about starting the report on a date that gives me the percentage that looks the best.”

I thought I’d pass these two stories on.  Hope you liked them.

These are just two examples of mothers using Custody X Change to help their custody case. Try out the software and see if it can help you.

If a parent hasn’t been able to resolve their custody situation, and has an upcoming court date, they should come to child custody court prepared.

First, a parent needs a custody agreement. This should include at least the child-sharing arrangement and a section on parenting provisions. The goal is to get the custody agreement accepted as the custody order.

Second, a parent needs proof of the time-share / overnight percentages. This proof should show a detailed listing of each day, totals, and draw the link between the days and the totals (proving that the totals are accurate).

Third, if any time has elapsed since the separation, a parent needs child records since the child-sharing originally began. This should include a time listing by parent, and a journal of events.  This is important to have because it reinforces the validity of the child-sharing portion of the presented custody agreement.

All three of these can be created using the Custody X Change software.  Many parents who have used the software to prepare for court have sent me emails telling me how great it went.  And I’ve received a number of emails from family law attorneys praising the software for how professional the documents are and how easy they are to create.

If you have an upcoming court date, please take a serious look at this software.  It’s already helped countless people prepare for court.

Child custody mediation can be an effective way to agree upon a fair child-sharing arrangement, but only if you show up prepared.

With the Custody X Change software, parents can create several different schedules ahead of time that are acceptable.  Then these schedules can be used as a starting point for a discussion during mediation.  This also provides a way to see the calendar layout for years at a time.

A parent who comes to mediation with these documents shows that they are prepared, and shows that they take mediation seriously.

The custody software is also used by a number of mediators.  They do so because the graphic calendar display allows the couple to see exactly what the schedule is, and reduces the misunderstandings.

If you have an upcoming mediation date, please take a serious look at this software.  It might change an otherwise frustrating meeting into a cooperative one.

The child-sharing arrangement is a point of conflict for many divorced couples, but it can (and should) be avoided.

How can this conflict be avoided?

The easiest way is for the parents to sit down together and hammer out a fair parental custody arrangement.  If both of the parents are involved in creating the arrangement, they will be much more likely to uphold it.  And if they both agree that the arrangement is fair, it will likely persist for years to come.

The Custody X Change software lets parents sit down together and easily hammer out a fair child-sharing arrangement, thus reducing the conflict. It can be a great child custody help for any situation.

Two ways it does this is:

• Both parents can see the time-share / overnight percentages at all times, which provides clarity into the fairness and increases trust.
• Both parents can walk away with an identical printed calendar, which eliminates any scheduling confusion (all too common around birthdays and holidays).

This process has an added benefit of reducing the legal fees surrounding a custody battle.  It also provides the children, if they are old enough to read a calendar, an easy way to know where they will be spending the holidays.

Not all parents are willing to sit down together (and it does take both to be willing), but those who have done so have sent raving testimonials.

Here are a few general Frequently Asked Questions I get about the Custody X Change software.

Q: I live in (some state), does the software calculate the correct numbers for the child support software here?

A: Yes.  The time-share and overnight percentages the software calculates aren’t based on any state laws.  These numbers are, however, used in most jurisdictions’ child support formulas.

Q: Can I use the reports as legal attachments where I live?

A: The software doesn’t have anything to do with state laws.  A Judge in Idaho, Judge Day, said in regards to the Custody X Change attachment, “Because it accurately and clearly states all the terms, there is no problem using it as an attachment to the decree.”  Because it produces professional parenting plans using clear legal language it’s ideal to submit to the court.  You will likely have additional forms to file, but the Custody X Change parenting plan attachment should be one of them.

Q: How does this certain feature work?

A: If you’re just getting started I’d suggest you watch the how-to videos I created: http://www.custodyxchange.com/videos/.  More complicated questions could be answered by the help file inside the software, although it hasn’t been updated in a little while. If neither of those options turns up any good results, or if you’re having a difficult time, feel free to let me know.

Q: I have a legal question – can you help?

A: Sorry.  I can’t give legal advice and I can’t return emails or calls that ask for it.

Q: How’d you get started with this software?  Did you go through a nasty divorce?

A: I was approached by a family law attorney in California who wanted to be able to calculate time-share percentages.  I’ve only recently been married and don’t even have kids.  But I’ve continued to work on the software, even after the attorney and I parted ways, because I’ve seen the hurt caused to the families of divorce, and I want to continue to help.  As far as my background, I have a BS in Computer Science from a state school in California and an MBA from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.