Child Custody & Visitation Blog

We get a lot of feedback from parents who are involved in their custody case. Some of these parents hire a child custody lawyer to help them work things out and prepare for court. Here are some of the suggestions we have heard that can help parents who are looking to find the right child custody attorney for their situation.

1. Look for competence. We’ve heard stories from people who hire a custody lawyer because the lawyer professed an interest in fathers’ or mothers’ rights. Don’t get taken in by that. Any lawyer you hire will fight for your rights–because you are paying them to do so. An attorney who says they specialize in a particular parents’ rights may use that to build up clients, instead of relying on their track record. Look for an attorney who has a history of doing well in court and who has positive recommendations from previous clients.

2. You want your attorney on the same page as you. As you look around for a custody lawyer, know what you want your lawyer to accomplish. Perhaps you are hoping that your attorney can work with the other parent and avoid a messy child custody battle. Maybe you only need a little help filing some forms and you don’t want anything more than that. Or, maybe you need an aggressive attorney because the child’s other parent is being unreasonable. Think of how you want your lawyer to help you and ask questions to help you determine if a particular attorney can provide that help.

Along with this idea, you should look for an attorney with the mindset that you are an employer looking for someone to work for you. You are paying your lawyer for the work that they do, so you are the person who ultimately controls what will happen. We have heard some tragic stories from some parents who use custody software to make a great custody agreement, only to have their attorney ignore it or become angry. Before you start a professional relationship with an attorney, find out their views on you helping with the case–using custody software, doing your own homework, etc. You don’t want to work with a lawyer who won’t let you do any of your own work because the lawyer wants to make more money.

3. Look around until you find the right attorney. Some parents hurry and hire the first lawyer they speak to. Take a little time and investigate. Most attorneys are willing to discuss how they will handle your case before you hire them. Be prepared to ask questions so you find the right person. And, if at any time you are unhappy with your attorney, don’t hesitate to talk to them about changes that need to happen. If you are still unsatisfied, you can always look for another lawyer. Remember that you are paying someone to help you figure out your child custody case. If you aren’t happy with the results, you can can pay someone else.

Do you know what some of the first child custody advice family law professionals tell parents in a custody situation?

It’s that parents need to keep a custody journal.

And in that journal, parents should keep track of at least the following:

1. Modified exchange times
2. Reasons for modifications
3. Notes for the day

Now, simply having written something down in a journal doesn’t prove that it actually happened. It’s important to be able to back up any claims that are made about times or happenings.

But, having a well-organized journal does go a very long way, which is exactly why family law professionals tell parents to start keeping one as soon as possible.

So how does Custody X Change fit in?

The software Custody X Change lets parents journal notes and track modifications to exchanges. It is, hands-down, the easiest way to keep track of everything that’s going on.

And once your data is in the software, you can print out professional documents that show three things:

1. How much time you actually had the kids (compared with what you were court ordered to have)
2. The reasons you entered why each child visitation was changed
3. A daily journal to show a log of any other sorts of happenings that you’d like

These reports clearly reveal what’s really been going on. And if you’re going to want to show discrepancies between the court-ordered schedule and the real-life schedule, it can make going about that a whole lot easier.

As parents set up a custody agreement, the child generally lives with one parent and has visitation with the other parent. Parents who have this type of custody situation can take action to make the most of their child visitation. If you are the parent who the child is visiting, here is some custody advice about how to make your visits successful.

Visits should be long enough for the child to bond with the parent. When you are working with the other parent to come up with a visitation schedule, keep in mind that visits should be long enough for the parent and child to spend time with each other and bond. In fact, the purpose of child visitation is to keep the parent/child relationship strong. This isn’t going to happen if you have one hour visits once a month. Weekends are a good time for visitation, because the child and parent can plan fun activities and do things with each other. It’s also good to schedule visits for the parent to have opportunities to take care of the child. For very young children this includes activities like putting them down for naps, feeding them, etc. For older children it means helping them with schoolwork and other activities, establishing routines, etc. Visits during the week are good for this (either evening visits or an overnight visit during the week).

Parents should help child with responsibilities. The first thing a parent should do when the child visits is to take care of any parental responsibilities. This means helping the child with schoolwork (if the visit is during a weekday afternoon, the parent should make sure the child is prepared for school the next day), projects, etc. It also means that if the child and parent need to talk about certain issues (perhaps the child has been having discipline problems at school, or is struggling with other things) the should do so. When children visit, the parent needs to establish the standard that they are in a role of responsibility and can help the child.

Spend quality time together. Once business is taken care of, parents should make sure that they have fun with their children. This doesn’t mean that the parent needs to spend a lot of money every week going to amusements parks and such, but they should make an effort to have a good time with the kids. Usually, kids are happy playing outside and going to the park with the parents, playing board games as a family, having a family movie night, etc. All of these are simple things that parents can do during child visitation. This also gives the child and parent new experiences to grow closer together.

Have your children make plans. If the children are older, they can be included in making plans for visitation. This is helpful for the children to get excited about going to visit the parent. The parent and child can sit down together and make some lists of things the child wants to do. They can plan out the next few visits with some fun things to try. These can be simple activities like the parent teaching the child to hit a baseball, catch a football, showing the child where the parent works, making food together, etc. The parent can also make suggestions to the child about some activities and see how interested the child is. The parent should make sure that they are thinking of things the children will enjoy and not trying to push their own interests on the child.

Schedule in phone calls and keep in touch through email. Most parents want to see their kids more than once a week. Children also change very rapidly, and if parents don’t have much visitation time they can miss out on important milestones with their children. There are ways to bridge this gap though. Parents can keep in touch with their children through the phone (and through text messages with their teenagers). They can also email their kids and find out what is going on in their lives that way. If the parent makes the effort to be involved, the children will be more likely to respond and enjoy their visitation time.