The increasing trend toward shared custody means that even more children are benefiting from frequent and meaningful contact with both parents. A shared parenting plan requires you and the other parent to share the responsibilities of parenting as equally as possible and work together toward the best interests of your children.
One concern expressed by many divorcing parents is that shared custody, also known as joint custody, will weaken their relationship with their children, especially if they’ve been the primary caregiver during the marriage. Studies show that children definitely benefit from loving involvement by both parents, so it’s up to you to ensure that your relationship continues to thrive despite limits on your time together.
There are 5 things you can do to keep close to your children when you have a joint custody parenting plan in place:
- Communicate—Be honest and clear with your children about how much you love them. Address any fears and concerns that they may have about the divorce and your place in their lives. It will take time and a lot of communication to ease their fears. When the children are with you, engage them in conversations from silly to serious. When they are with the other parent, always keep phone appointments and be engaged in the conversation. Ask pointed questions about their day and always express your love.
- Place children’s needs first—Be flexible in providing your children what you can to ensure proper emotional and social development, even if it puts your needs second. Rather than turn disagreements into a battle with the other parent, work on compromises that put the children first. For example, if a child’s dance class has been moved from the other parent’s day to your day, recognize how it benefits your child to remain in dance, even though it may mean less time with you on that day. Your relationship with your children will thrive when they know you are helping them achieve.
- Stay physically close—While it is not always possible, try to live as close to the other parent as you can to keep your relationship strong with your children. Physical proximity is important in establishing frequent visitations and smoother transitions. Children are less likely to feel shuffled around when they live in the same area all the time. Physical proximity allows you to be nearby whenever your children need you, whether it’s just to hang out or in a real emergency.
- Show genuine interest—Children need the positive guidance and assistance from both parents and keeping them on the right track is part of your job description. It takes more than just lip service about how proud you are. Get involved and help with homework, shoot baskets in the driveway, talk about growing up, change your plans to attend their events and so forth. Showing genuine interest in what your children do signals to them that you care about their dreams and aspirations. The support they feel from you will enhance your relationship.
- Declare a truce with the other parent—Even though there may be bad feelings and bruised egos when it comes to the other parent, the way you treat him or her directly affects your relationship with your children. When you show respect for the other’s parenting decisions while avoiding negative comments and criticisms, your children will not feel as if they are forced to choose a side or prove their loyalty to one parent over the other. This allows a deeper relationship to develop with both parents—one built on respect and trust.