A shared custody schedule for young children determines where they will spend each day and how special times like holidays and vacations will be shared. Even though your marriage may have ended, you still need to maintain a cordial relationship with your former spouse that allows you to communicate effectively about your children’s schedule.
Here are a few tips on working with the other parent to create a shared custody schedule for young children:
- Take a business-like approach with the other parent using language that is cordial and neutral. In a business setting, you would not express much emotion to a client or business associate. Avoid becoming emotional by holding conversations as you would on a professional level.
- Listen to the other parent’s ideas respectfully. Practicing good listening skills doesn’t mean you automatically have to agree. It simply means you are being respectful and seeking to gain understanding about the other parent’s position on a topic.
- Avoid demanding things from the other parent. Instead, make requests using language such as “Maybe we can try…” or “Are you willing to try…” This approach to negotiation can be effective between two parents who must compromise while seeking to put their children’s interests first.
- Keep discussions centered on the children by steering away from any volatile topics. For example, steer the conversation toward your shared custody schedule for your toddler when the other parent begins to unload about a personal issue or complaint. Work hard to center the conversations on the custody schedule and what the children need.
- Never overreact to something the other parent says. Chances are, your ex knows how to push your buttons and may lash out in frustration, anger or pain. Practice turning the conversation back to the children or simply excuse yourself rather than unload your own feelings. In the long run, it’s better for you, the other parent and the children if your communication is relatively conflict-free.
- Develop routines for communication and schedule reviews. Because you will be co-parenting with the other parent for many years, it helps to build a system that allows for effective and efficient communication. Whether that means emailing, phone calls or the occasional face to face meeting, establish a method of communication that works best for you.
Peaceful, consistent, and purposeful communication with the other parent is the key to creating a harmonious shared custody schedule and in your ultimate success as co-parents.
Keep your children in mind as you interact with the other parent, knowing that how you interact affects them directly. When you make your children the focal point of the discussions you have with the other parent, there’s a greater chance to come together on their behalf.