When your family is divided, make living arrangements that reduce stress and promote healthy development in your teenager. Creating a custody schedule for school age children is the first step.
With divorce, teenagers are affected differently than younger children and may display a wide range of coping skills. Teenagers fare better when both parents commit to certain behaviors and structure a custody schedule that puts the teen’s best interests ahead of their own.
Teenagers are in the process of developing a separate life from their parents and this increasing independence helps them transition to adulthood. Your teenager still needs both parents to provide guidance and stability as he or she explores and processes the journey towards independence.
A good custody schedule for teenagers will support your child in the process of forming his or her own identity while developing the skills needed to succeed in life. A poor custody schedule stunts that growth by keeping the teen in an unstable, unsupported situation with too many restrictions, which limits his or her development.
Studies show there are several factors affecting adolescent adjustment to divorce:
- Whether there is a feeling of closeness to the residential parent
- When there is effective parental monitoring
- When teenagers and parents integrate joint decision-making on household rules and youth activities
- Whether there is low parent-child conflict
- When parents provide encouragement and support, separately and together
- When there is consistent monitoring of behavior and enforced discipline
- When the logistics of a custody schedule are smoothly and successfully executed
Your custody schedule should address each of these issues. As parents, you must be involved in your teenager’s school and any outside activities. Allowing your teen to develop external relationships, such as work and friends, also contributes to healthy adolescent development. Keeping things respectful, firm and flexible with the other parent and with your teenager are also key factors in healthy mental and social development.
Your custody schedule for your teen lets you and the other parent to maintain a strong relationship with your child during the ups and downs of adolescence. When you concentrate on the best interest of your teenager and create a custody schedule based around these key elements, you enable your teenager to become the most successful adult he or she can be.
* * *
Maccoby, E., & Mnookin, R. H. (1992). Dividing the child: Social and legal dilemmas of custody. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.