Step parenting brings a host of challenges to the step parent. Some of those challenges arise from complications with the child custody situation. Here are some tips for step parents about coping with some of the child custody difficulties.
1. Don’t bad mouth the child’s other parent in front of the child. If the parents are having problems with child custody, there will probably be ample opportunity to be angry and frustrated with the child’s other parent. However, it is imperative that you avoid saying negative things about that parent in front of the children. It doesn’t help the situation and your words can be used against you (the child may tell the other parent what you said). Many times your angry statements alienate the step children. The odds are pretty good that you’ll be upset with the other parent, so you need to learn to talk to an objective outsider, write down your feelings, or discuss things in private with your spouse.
2. Accept the situation. Many times step parents come into a custody situation and they feel like everything needs to change. They may feel like their spouse is being taken advantage of or that the other parent isn’t playing fair. As a step parent you simply have to accept the fact that this is the situation–and it won’t change overnight. Continually pointing out everything that is wrong with the situation won’t help things. Instead, pick one or two things that you feel should change. Discuss in depth with your spouse about why things are the way they are (there are likely many reasons you’re not aware of) and talk about ways the custody situation could improve. Work slowly to make improvements.
3. The child’s other parent will be part of your life. As a step parent, you married into a situation where there will always be another parent in the background. Don’t think that person will just disappear or that they won’t have any impact on your family. Be prepared to deal with things the best way you can and remember to keep the child’s welfare first.
Step parenting is very rewarding and has great benefits. Hopefully the child custody issues can be worked out so that everyone can enjoy things more.