Sometimes parents separate because they need some time to work on and figure out some marital issues. Sometimes the parents separate once they decide to divorce–and the separation is intended to be permanent. Regardless of the reason, it’s important to make provisions for child custody during separation.
In fact, it’s preferable if the parents an work out some of the custody and visitation issues before one of them leaves the house. The mother and father need to come up with a plan about how they will continue to care for their children and also how they will communicate and keep them updated during this time of great change. Here are some things to work out before separating.
1. Where will the children live? It’s generally better if the children can stay in their own home–especially if the parents don’t know how the separation period will end (meaning, they haven’t decided to divorce). This means that the children usually live with the parent who stays in the home. However, a child may be particularly attached to the parent who is leaving, and the parents may want to consider having the child go with that parent. Decide what is best for the children.
2. How will visitation work? The parents need to come up with a visitation schedule for the parent who has left. It’s very important that the children understand what is going on and that they don’t wake up to find that mom or dad has disappeared. Before a parent moves out, discuss it with the children and tell the kids when they will see mom or dad again. The parents also need to decide how visitation will work. Sometimes it is helpful for the children if the parent visits them in their own home. The parents can do this until the children are comfortable going to a new place. The mother and father should also talk about transportation to visitation and other issues.
3. How will the finances work? The mother and father need to come up with a financial plan for how they will continue to care for the children. If the separation is permanent, the child support payments should start. If the time of separation isn’t known, the parents should decide how they will cover expenses and who will pay for what.
4. How will the parents explain things to the children? If possible, both parents should sit and talk with the children. It’s very important that neither parent talks negatively about the other parent. The parents should decide the best way to explain what is going on and help their children adjust to the new circumstances.
Parents separating can be very traumatic for children. However, if the parents have a plan for how they will handle child custody and separation, they will be in a better position to help their children through the adjustment. It will also take away some of the stress during this time.