Many couples who attend child custody mediation find that it helps them figure out their custody situation. Custody mediation is recommended for any set of parents who have a hard time working together to form a custody agreement. This includes parents who have a lot of disagreements and can hardly stand each other to parents who just need a little help to point them in the right direction. Some states require parents to go to mediation before they go to court. Here are some things you can do to prepare for custody mediation.
1. Focus on your children. It really is better for everyone involved if the parents can come to an agreement about custody. Before you attend mediation, take some time to reflect on why you are having such a difficult time with the other parent. Set aside any personal issues you have with the other parent, and truly think about what is best for you child. Think of something you can do to help you focus on your child during mediation (the mediator should help with this too). Perhaps you could take a picture of your children, or create a mental image that brings you back to working on what’s best for the children.
2. Be flexible. In order for both parents to be satisfied with the agreement, both parents will need to compromise. Think about a few very important issues for you–and be flexible with the rest. The more open you are to changing and modifying the custody and visitation schedule, the more likely you’ll be able to find one you like.
3. Get ready to listen. The goal of mediation is for both parents to communicate about what they think is best for the child. Be prepared to listen to the other parent and to not interrupt or interpret everything they say negatively. Really listen to what they are saying and don’t make negative comments. This will encourage the other parent to treat you the same way.
4. Prepare some plans. It’s useful to go into a mediation setting with some ideas of how you want your custody and visitation schedule to go. Prepare several different child custody calendars and schedules that you can show the other parent. Use these as a springboard to find something you both like. Also think about the holidays and how you want those divided.
5. Think about parenting provisions. Think about any rules you want in the custody agreement that the other parent needs to follow. Perhaps you’d like a stipulation that says if the other parent leaves the child for more than 8 hours during their custody time, the other parent has the first claim to babysit. There are many useful provisions that parents add to help things run more smoothly.