Will a bitter child custody battle harm your child? It can certainly affect them in negative ways. Depending on the age of your child, they may or may not fully understand what is going on, but even the youngest child can be affected by a nasty custody battle. You can minimize the effects of your custody case on your children by doing the following.
- Never let your child hear you speak badly about the other parent. No matter how difficult your former spouse is being, you should never mention this in front of your child. Not only could this cause your child to feel neglected by and alienated from that parent, this practice is frowned up on by the court. While complaints about the other parent may be justified, they can damage your court case, so choose your words with care.
- Don’t argue in front of your child. Discuss the aspects of your case, and decide on custody agreements on your own. While these things affect your child’s life, hearing you and the other parent arguing about them can be very stressful. Decide together (if you can), and then present your plan to your child together.
- Do not pressure your child. Don’t pressure your child to choose between his or her parents. If your child is old enough to express a preference in court, you should do your best not to pressure your child. Having to state a preference is stressful enough without added parental pressure.
- Get support. Even if your child custody battle is very time consuming, make sure your child maintains healthy relationships with friends and family members. Don’t hesitate to meet with a child or family therapist if you think you need help coping with your new situation.
- Take a break. Don’t be so overwhelmed by your child custody case that you forget to actually live your life and do fun things with your children. It is easy to get caught up in the struggle, and forget that your children need time to be kids, and to relax and play, no matter how big they are.
- Talk to your child: Even big kids need to be reminded that even though their parents are divorcing, they are loved and will be cared for. Make sure your children know that your problems are not their fault, and that they did not do anything wrong. Allow your child to express his or her feelings, without judgment, whether you think they are “right” or not.
While every child and every custody battle is unique, heeding the above advice will lessen the impact your custody battle has on your children.