We’re continuing the posts about setting up joint custody arrangements for different ages of children. Today we’ll look at suggestions for setting up a co-parenting schedule for toddlers and young children.
Toddlers (18-36 months)
During the time as a toddler, a child has many developments socially, emotionally, and mentally. A toddler starts to recognize the world around them and forms multiple attachments to caregivers. At this age, a toddler may not handle separation very well. This can become evident during exchanges between parents. The child may cry and throw tantrums when it is time to go with the other parent–it is normal and doesn’t mean the parent is doing anything wrong. To help with this, it is important that parents support the visits. It may be easier if the parent drives the toddler to the other house to drop them off.
Toddlers are sensitive to anger and tension. Parents should work at keeping these feelings from their toddler. A custody arrangement should be routine and stable for the child. There should be consistent and frequent visits with the other parent–a child this age shouldn’t go more than a few days without seeing the other parent. At this age, parents can start telephone calls. The child will also recognize pictures of the parents–so a picture of the other parent can be in the bedroom of the child.
Young Children (3-5 years)
These are the pre-school ages for children. Children during time grow and develop rapidly. It is important for parents to adjust their plans to accomodate the changes in their child. It is also important for the parents to communicate about what is going on with the child–for instance, if the child is taking shorter naps or stopping naps altogether.
A young children needs consistency and predictablity. They may have problems with transitions and exchanges, but they will probably adjust quickly once in the parent’s home. It is important that both parents have established themselves as caregivers, because that is who young children are attached to. Parents should also realize that children at this age often blame themselves for a divorce or other problems.
If one parent has been the primary caregiver, visits should be set up to give that parent the opportunity to care for the child. Short, frequent visits are best to start with, and they can get longer as the child gets used to the parent. Children at this age can handle longer time between visits and longer stays with each parent. Children at this age also need to play with other children this age, so parents should try to schedule times with other children to play.
For more information about setting up a co-parenting schedule for toddlers and young children, check out this brochure: http://www.mass.gov/courts/courtsandjudges/courts/probateandfamilycourt/afccsharedparenting.pdf