Child Custody & Visitation Blog

Last week we revealed the new tracking feature that Custody X Change offers. We’re excited to have this additional feature in the software and we think it can be very useful for parents and their child custody.

Tracking is important for child custody arrangements because parents should be aware of how much actual time they’re spending with their child in comparison with the scheduled time. Let’s say a mother is granted custody of the children and the father has visitation one overnight a week and every other weekend. Once the agreement is in place, the mother calls and asks if the father can babysit the children an extra night a week. He’s happy to get the time so he agrees. Then the one extra night a week turns into two extra nights…then three. The mother is also dropping the kids off early for the weekend and letting them stay later.

Should the father just be happy he’s getting more time with the children? Well, that is probably the case. The father should also be aware of the fact that he is paying child support for all of the extra time he has with the children because the child support is based on the time-share percentage. And, if the father is the primary caretaker of the children, he should be the custodial parent–that should be the legal arrangement. If the father keeps track of all the extra time he has with the children over a few month period, he will be prepared to go back to court and show the difference between the scheduled time and the actual time (Custody X Change provides this convenient number and gives you an easy way to keep track of the changes).

Tracking is also very helpful in the reverse situation. Let’s take the same custody agreement from above,  only this time the mother frequently forgets to drop off the children for their overnight visit or she schedules things for the children during this time. And, she always has excuses and reasons for dropping the kids off late for the weekend visit and needing to pick them up early. If the father keeps track of all the missed visitation, in a few months he will be prepared to go to court and show how the custody agreement isn’t being honored. He can even let the mother know he is keeping track–usually if a parent knows the other one is tracking things, they are more likely to follow the rules.

In the next post we’ll look at the specific feature in Custody X Change that makes it easy to track.

Many couples who attend child custody mediation find that it helps them figure out their custody situation. Custody mediation is recommended for any set of parents who have a hard time working together to form a custody agreement. This includes parents who have a lot of disagreements and can hardly stand each other to parents who just need a little help to point them in the right direction. Some states require parents to go to mediation before they go to court. Here are some things you can do to prepare for custody mediation.

1. Focus on your children. It really is better for everyone involved if the parents can come to an agreement about custody. Before you attend mediation, take some time to reflect on why you are having such a difficult time with the other parent. Set aside any personal issues you have with the other parent, and truly think about what is best for you child. Think of something you can do to help you focus on your child during mediation (the mediator should help with this too). Perhaps you could take a picture of your children, or create a mental image that brings you back to working on what’s best for the children.

2. Be flexible. In order for both parents to be satisfied with the agreement, both parents will need to compromise. Think about a few very important issues for you–and be flexible with the rest. The more open you are to changing and modifying the custody and visitation schedule, the more likely you’ll be able to find one you like.

3. Get ready to listen. The goal of mediation is for both parents to communicate about what they think is best for the child. Be prepared to listen to the other parent and to not interrupt or interpret everything they say negatively. Really listen to what they are saying and don’t make negative comments. This will encourage the other parent to treat you the same way.

4. Prepare some plans. It’s useful to go into a mediation setting with some ideas of how you want your custody and visitation schedule to go. Prepare several different child custody calendars and schedules that you can show the other parent. Use these as a springboard to find something you both like. Also think about the holidays and how you want those divided.

5. Think about parenting provisions. Think about any rules you want in the custody agreement that the other parent needs to follow. Perhaps you’d like a stipulation that says if the other parent leaves the child for more than 8 hours during their custody time, the other parent has the first claim to babysit. There are many useful provisions that parents add to help things run more smoothly.

If you are in the process, or about to begin the process, of filing for child custody, you need to know some of the common child custody forms that you need to fill out. Now, every state has different laws about custody, so the forms are all individual to the states as well. However, there are some general custody forms that every state has. Here are some of the child custody papers that you’ll find in almost every state (the paper may have a different name in your state, but the function will most likely be similar).

Summons and Petition for Custody: This is the form that the parent initiating the child custody process fills out. This paper starts the custody case and is served to the other parent. After the paper is filed and served, the other parent has a chance to respond. Along with this paper usually comes a restraining order that prohibits both parents from leaving the state with the child.

Response to the Petition: This is the form filled out by the other parent when they are served the summons and petition for custody. The parent needs to respond within a certain amount of time, or the court automatically grants the other parent custody.

Custody Agreement Papers: Depending on where you live, you will need to fill out multiple child custody forms about the custody agreement. This usually includes papers where you outline the repeating custody and visitation schedule, the holiday schedule, the type of custody, etc. Some states have you fill out one set of papers if you and the other parent agree on the parenting plan and a different set if you disagree.

Child Support Information: One parent usually files for child support and both parents are required to fill out papers that outline their financial information. The states require different things, but be prepared to show how much money you make, the amount you pay for insurance, other debts and obligations, etc.

There are fees to file your child custody forms at the courthouse. If you can’t pay these fees, you can fill out a paper to have them waived.

These are the broad papers that pretty much everyone has to fill out. You can find more information about your specific state custody forms by contacting the courthouse, an attorney, or looking online.

If you want to win child custody in your custody situation, you need to explore all of the resources that can help you. You may be surprised to learn that there is software that can help your custody case. Family law software is a branch of software that has been written and programed for the family law field. Some of this software is helpful for custody battles and cases. Here are three things to know about how family law software can help you win child custody.

1. You can create a custody agreement and parenting plan with the other parent. If parents can agree on a parenting plan they can both win child custody. In order for parents to work together on a plan, there needs to be an easy way to make the custody and visitation schedule that allows both parents to give input. This is how family law and child custody software can help. Some programs (like Custody X Change) make it very simple and easy for a parent to make their custody and visitation schedule. Because it’s so easy to make changes to the schedule, the other parent can give input and they can work on it until everyone agrees. This takes a lot of the frustration out of working together because it is so easy.

2. You can get documents to help you in court. If the other parent refuses to work with you, you can still use child custody software to create a parenting plan that you can use in court. The nice thing about the software is that is will print all of your information out in nice, professional looking documents. You can show this to the judge and impress everyone with how prepared you are. This will help you win your case in court.

3. You can know exactly how much time you get with the children. As you are creating your parenting plan, good software will show you the time-share percentage that each parent has with the children. This lets you create a schedule that is totally fair for both parents. You’ll also be able to point this out to the judge. The court will like that you have the exact time that the parents have the children and that you tried to be fair. This will help get your agreement accepted.

As parents set up a custody agreement, the child generally lives with one parent and has visitation with the other parent. Parents who have this type of custody situation can take action to make the most of their child visitation. If you are the parent who the child is visiting, here is some custody advice about how to make your visits successful.

Visits should be long enough for the child to bond with the parent. When you are working with the other parent to come up with a visitation schedule, keep in mind that visits should be long enough for the parent and child to spend time with each other and bond. In fact, the purpose of child visitation is to keep the parent/child relationship strong. This isn’t going to happen if you have one hour visits once a month. Weekends are a good time for visitation, because the child and parent can plan fun activities and do things with each other. It’s also good to schedule visits for the parent to have opportunities to take care of the child. For very young children this includes activities like putting them down for naps, feeding them, etc. For older children it means helping them with schoolwork and other activities, establishing routines, etc. Visits during the week are good for this (either evening visits or an overnight visit during the week).

Parents should help child with responsibilities. The first thing a parent should do when the child visits is to take care of any parental responsibilities. This means helping the child with schoolwork (if the visit is during a weekday afternoon, the parent should make sure the child is prepared for school the next day), projects, etc. It also means that if the child and parent need to talk about certain issues (perhaps the child has been having discipline problems at school, or is struggling with other things) the should do so. When children visit, the parent needs to establish the standard that they are in a role of responsibility and can help the child.

Spend quality time together. Once business is taken care of, parents should make sure that they have fun with their children. This doesn’t mean that the parent needs to spend a lot of money every week going to amusements parks and such, but they should make an effort to have a good time with the kids. Usually, kids are happy playing outside and going to the park with the parents, playing board games as a family, having a family movie night, etc. All of these are simple things that parents can do during child visitation. This also gives the child and parent new experiences to grow closer together.

Have your children make plans. If the children are older, they can be included in making plans for visitation. This is helpful for the children to get excited about going to visit the parent. The parent and child can sit down together and make some lists of things the child wants to do. They can plan out the next few visits with some fun things to try. These can be simple activities like the parent teaching the child to hit a baseball, catch a football, showing the child where the parent works, making food together, etc. The parent can also make suggestions to the child about some activities and see how interested the child is. The parent should make sure that they are thinking of things the children will enjoy and not trying to push their own interests on the child.

Schedule in phone calls and keep in touch through email. Most parents want to see their kids more than once a week. Children also change very rapidly, and if parents don’t have much visitation time they can miss out on important milestones with their children. There are ways to bridge this gap though. Parents can keep in touch with their children through the phone (and through text messages with their teenagers). They can also email their kids and find out what is going on in their lives that way. If the parent makes the effort to be involved, the children will be more likely to respond and enjoy their visitation time.

The end of the summer is approaching, and that means the kids are going back to school. If you have school age children, this can be an exciting time as they get ready for their new school year. The new school year can also bring up some custody and visitation issues that the parents need to work out. As your children get older, it’s important to be flexible with the parenting plan so it can meet the needs of your child.  Here are some suggestions to think about for custody as your kids get ready to go back to school.

Discuss with the other parent about your child’s extra-curricular activities. As children get older–especially as they enter junior high and high school–they become more involved with school activities, clubs, and other things. You need to have a plan with the other parent how you will balance these activities. Is it okay if the child participates in something that interferes with visitation time? Do both parents need to give permission for the child to do something? Who will be responsible for transportation to and from sports and other activities outside of school? Extra-curricular activities can be a great chance for parents to show support for the child. And, parents can see their children more if they attend sporting events and other activities.

Think about any changes that need to be made to the custody and visitation schedule. If you know your child is going to be involved in a sporting event and the practices interfere with the visitation time, come up with a new schedule that fits around these practices. If your child is older, you may want to adopt a visitation schedule that is more flexible for the child. Perhaps they can choose what day of the week they’ll go visit a parent, or maybe it can be a weekly decision that the parent and child work out. As children enter high school, they may want to spend the majority of time at one home to establish their base. They will want to be close to friends and not have to interrupt their social schedule. Be aware of your children’s needs and if they are old enough they can give input to the visitation schedule. However, remember that you’re the parent and ultimately you make the decisions.

Discuss with the other parent how to manage the child’s schoolwork. If you have joint child custody, or your child spends some afternoons with one parent and the others with the other parent, you need to make a plan for keeping track of schoolwork and other school information. When children go back and forth between homes, it is easy for papers and other things to get lost. Consider keeping a folder that the child takes to each house so that each parent can see the important school information. Work with your child to organize the school materials so the child is always prepared for homework at either house. You may want to keep a communication log that your child takes to each parent so both of you know what’s going on.

Divide up school and other expenses between the parents. You and the child’s other parent should come to an agreement about who pays for extra-curricular and school expenses. Come up with a way that the expenses are divided and make that your policy so you don’t have huge arguments every time something comes up. Keep track of expenses so one parent doesn’t feel like they are paying for everything. Work with your children so they know how the expenses work and who they should talk to about the finances.

The school year can be an exciting time for parents and children to grow closer together through outside events and learning. Make the most of this school year with your child, and enjoy your custody and visitation arrangement.

If you are paying or receiving child support, you want to make sure that the amount being paid is accurate. It can be difficult to know if the amount is correct, because every state has different laws about how child support is calculated. Fortunately, every state now uses child support software to figure out how much child support should be paid. This software is available to parents so they can do the child support calculations.

It’s great that the states now use software to caluculate the amount of child support. This drastically reduces the number of errors in those calculations. However, there is something you should watch for as you enter your numbers into your state’s child support software.

Pretty much every state bases some part of the child support on the time-share or overnight percentage that the child has with each parent. It is vital to have the correct time-share and overnight percentage for these calculations. You would think that the courts would find a way to get the right percentages so the child support is correct. However, the courts don’t do that. Many courts make a guess and estimate the amount of time-share percentage the parents have with the children. They do this because it is too time consuming to do all of those calculations. But, doing those calculations can save you money or get you more money in child support.

To make sure the child support software helps you get the right amount, you need to figure out the time-share percentage. Fortunately, there is now a program that figures this out for you. Custody X Change gives you the time-share and overnight percentage that each parent has with the children after you put your custody schedule in. You can then use this with your child support software to get the right amount. You can also give this correct number to the court to make sure the calculations there are right. And, if you are looking for ways to lower your child support, you can experiment with different time-share percentages that lower your support. If you know that you need a certain amount more of time with your child, you can use Custody X Change to come up with a new schedule.

So, Custody X Change is the software to have in conjunction with your child support software. This will help you know you’re paying or receiving the right amount of money to support your child.

This is the final installment about co-parenting and shared parenting with different age groups. Here are some suggestions for making a co-parenting plan if you have teenagers.

Ages 13-15

During this time period, young adolescents start to gain independence from family. They should be encouraged in their independence and allowed to explore many extra actitivies and to develop friendships. Young adolescents will want to spend more and more time on their own activities and with their friends. They may become resentful if visitation time interferes with their social life.

It’s important to come up with a parenting plan that allows a teenager to keep their own schedule. However, young teenagers still need frequent contact with parents and their parents should guide and help with activities. Both parents can be more involved in their teenager’s life by attending activities the child is involved with.

Young adolescents may want to have a home base with one of the parents so they have more control over their lives and time with friends. Parents should take the child’s wishes into account as they set up a schedule. It’s important for the child to have frequent visits and time with both parents. Parents should have communication with each other about the child and what is going on.

Ages 16-18

During this age, children separate themselves fully from their parents and become independent. Parents should support and encourage their teenagers as they do this. However, parents also need to guide and set age appropriate limits for their child as their teenager develops.

Teenagers often become very involved in extra activities and want to spend time with friends. Parents should have a flexible parenting plan that allows the teenager ample time with both parents. Parents will want to help their child prepare for the future.

If you are setting up a co-parenting plan with teenagers, this website may be helpful: http://www.mass.gov/courts/courtsandjudges/courts/probateandfamilycourt/afccsharedparenting.pdf

Continuing with our posts about setting up shared parenting arrangements with different ages of children, today’s post looks at parenting plans for grade school children. We’ll look at plans for children ages 5-9 and plans for ages 10-12.

Ages 5-9

These are the middle childhood years. Children at this age get used to spending time away from parents–time at school, activities with friends, etc. Children at this age usually adapt well and can get used to having two residences. They also start to grasp the concept of time and calendars.

Starting with this age, parents can be more creative about the custody arrangements they set up. Some children will have no problem spending equal time at each parent’s house, and other children will still need a home base but can have more frequent and longer visitation with the other parent. If you give the child a calendar with the visitation marked and explain it may help some of the apprehension with the transitions.

A child can spend almost equal time with each parent. It’s important for a child this age to spend as much time as possible with both parents. It is good if both parents have opportunities to help the child with school work and to be involved in other activities with them. Children at this age should also be given opportunities to call the other parent whenever they wish. Some children at the older end of this spectrum may want to give input into the parenting plan. You can listen and discuss with them, but ultimately the parent makes the decisions.

Ages 10-12

These are the pre-teen years for children. Children at this age are preparing to enter adolescents. They have a solid grasp on time and schedules and do well with calendars and planning ahead. Children at this age may align themselves with one parent. It’s important for both parents to be supportive of visitation so the child can spend time with each parent.

Children at this age learn how to balance extra activities with friends and family. Parents should encourage children to participate in social and school activities. Children at this age can handle many different types of parenting plans and they should have frequent contact with both parents. Parents should take the child’s extra activities into account when creating a schedule.

For more information about making a shared parenting plan for grade school children, check out this website: http://www.mass.gov/courts/courtsandjudges/courts/probateandfamilycourt/afccsharedparenting.pdf

We’re continuing the posts about setting up joint custody arrangements for different ages of children. Today we’ll look at suggestions for setting up a co-parenting schedule for toddlers and young children.

Toddlers (18-36 months)

During the time as a toddler, a child has many developments socially, emotionally, and mentally. A toddler starts to recognize the world around them and forms multiple attachments to caregivers. At this age, a toddler may not handle separation very well. This can become evident during exchanges between parents. The child may cry and throw tantrums when it is time to go with the other parent–it is normal and doesn’t mean the parent is doing anything wrong. To help with this, it is important that parents support the visits. It may be easier if the parent drives the toddler to the other house to drop them off.

Toddlers are sensitive to anger and tension. Parents should work at keeping these feelings from their toddler. A custody arrangement should be routine and stable for the child. There should be consistent and frequent visits with the other parent–a child this age shouldn’t go more than a few days without seeing the other parent. At this age, parents can start telephone calls. The child will also recognize pictures of the parents–so a picture of the other parent can be in the bedroom of the child.

Young Children (3-5 years)

These are the pre-school ages for children. Children during time grow and develop rapidly. It is important for parents to adjust their plans to accomodate the changes in their child. It is also important for the parents to communicate about what is going on with the child–for instance, if the child is taking shorter naps or stopping naps altogether.

A young children needs consistency and predictablity. They may have problems with transitions and exchanges, but they will probably adjust quickly once in the parent’s home. It is important that both parents have established themselves as caregivers, because that is who young children are attached to. Parents should also realize that children at this age often blame themselves for a divorce or other problems.

If one parent has been the primary caregiver, visits should be set up to give that parent the opportunity to care for the child. Short, frequent visits are best to start with, and they can get longer as the child gets used to the parent. Children at this age can handle longer time between visits and longer stays with each parent. Children at this age also need to play with other children this age, so parents should try to schedule times with other children to play.

For more information about setting up a co-parenting schedule for toddlers and young children, check out this brochure: http://www.mass.gov/courts/courtsandjudges/courts/probateandfamilycourt/afccsharedparenting.pdf

Children have different needs according to their ages. As you are creating a custody agreement, you should consider your child’s age and make a schedule that works for that age. Over the next few days, we’ll go over suggestions for setting up custody arrangements for every age group of children. Hopefully you find this helpful as you try to create your agreement. Today we’ll look at shared parenting plans for infants and babies.

Infant (0-9 months)

For an infant, it’s important to consider who the primary caregiver has been. Giving care to an infant includes changing diapers, feeding, putting to sleep, playing, bathing, and other interactions. An infant develops a bond to the person who takes care of him/her. And, it’s important to keep an infant’s routine as stable as possible.

To set up a shared parenting plan for an infant, parents should think about who is giving care and the schedule of the infant. The infant may also be breastfeeding, which parents should also plan for in the custody arrangement. If one parent has been giving the most care, the infant should live with that parent. To start with, the visitation schedule should include frequent short visits every other day or so. These visits should be long enough for the other parent to have opportunities to give care–so, they should have times when they can bathe the child, change diapers, feed, put to bed, etc. As the other parent does this, the infant will develop a bond with that parent. Visits can then last longer and you may be able to schedule some overnight visits if the infant adjusts well enough.

If both parents have been giving care, the infant can spend time with both. Frequent visits are best because and infant shouldn’t go more than a day or two without seeing one of the parents. This helps them remember that parent. It is also vital that parents have good communication about the infant. Infants develop very quickly, and the parents should keep a log of some sort about things that are going on.

Baby (9-18 months)

During this time, a baby develops very quickly into a toddler. It is important to have routine with a baby. A baby has a stronger attachment to caregivers and may become more anxious around strangers. Parents making custody arrangements for a baby should consider the routine and schedule that the baby follow. Visits for a baby should be frequent and allow the parent enough time to give care to the child (feeding, changing diapers, bathing, playing, etc) so they can bond. A baby recognizes the caregiver and feels comfortable with that person.

If one parent was the primary caregiver to the baby, the baby may need time to adjust to the other parent. If this is the case, visits can be scheduled brief and frequently while the baby adapts to the other parent. The baby shouldn’t go more that a couple of days without seeing either parent. If the baby is used to both parents as caregivers, they should be able to handle overnight visits with each parent.

If you are setting up a shared parenting or joint custody agreement, you may find this brochure helpful: http://www.mass.gov/courts/courtsandjudges/courts/probateandfamilycourt/afccsharedparenting.pdf

Ultimately, the way to win child custody is for everyone to be happy with the parenting plan or custody agreement. If both parents and the children feel good about the arrangement, then everyone will be more likely to uphold it and there won’t be any big issues that come up. However, it can be very difficult for parents to agree on anything about child custody–and that makes it hard to come up with a parenting plan together. If you and the child’s other parent are in the process of making a custody agreement, here are some ways to side-step the arguments and get things worked out. Then you can feel good knowing you and your children have really won. (Of course, if your ex is staging a huge custody battle, you’ll need to be prepared to fight that out. The best thing to do in that situation is to hire a good attorney. These suggestions are for people who are trying to work it out, but are having a little bit of trouble.)

1. Focus on what you really want. This is the key in any sort of negotiation or meeting. Always keep in mind what you really want from the conversations and meetings with the other parent. In fact, it may help you to right out some kind of statement for yourself that outlines what you expect from your final agreement. It shouldn’t be too detailed–something like you want to create a good agreement for your children where they can spend time with both parents. Then, when you are getting angry, or there is tension and frustration rising, repeat what you really want. And, tell the other parent. So, if the other parent starts to get heated, you can say “Let’s try to focus on what we want. I really want to come to an agreement so both of us are happy and the children get to be with both of us.” Keeping that focus will help both of you avoid side arguments.

2. Be flexible. You aren’t going to get all of the time with the child. This may be sad, but it’s true. You need to have realistic expectations about what will happen with the custody agreement and be prepared to give and take on some of the issues. Don’t get too caught up about little details. If you are rigid, you will have a harder time coming up with something that both of you like. Write down a few things that you really want and won’t compromise on, and then be flexible with everything else. For example, things you really want could be equal time with the children or certain weeks for vacation with the children. Be willing to give the other parent the things that are important to them, and you’ll be more likely to get what you want.

3. Be creative. If you work towards a solution where everyone agrees, you may need to think outside of the traditional custody and visitation schedules. Some parents find that a 6 week repeating cycle works the best for them. This isn’t the norm, but if it works for you then you should do it. Some parents who want to try joint custody find that a 3/3/4/4 or a 2/2/5/5 custody schedule is exactly what they want. You could also do an arrangement where the children live with one parent but the other parent takes care of them after school. If you are more open to ideas then you will be more likely to find something that works for you.

Winning custody isn’t about just beating the other parent. You want to focus on doing the best thing for everyone involved–and especially your children. That is the best way to win.

Will a bitter child custody battle harm your child? It can certainly affect them in negative ways. Depending on the age of your child, they may or may not fully understand what is going on, but even the youngest child can be affected by a nasty custody battle. You can minimize the effects of your custody case on your children by doing the following.

1. Never let your child hear you speak badly about the other parent. No matter how difficult your former spouse is being, you should never mention this in front of your child. Not only could this cause your child to feel neglected by and alienated from that parent, this practice is frowned up on by the court. While complaints about the other parent may be justified, they can damage your court case, so choose your words with care.
2. Don’t argue in front of your child. Discuss the aspects of your case, and decide on custody agreements on your own. While these things affect your child’s life, hearing you and the other parent arguing about them can be very stressful. Decide together (if you can), and then present your plan to your child together.
3. Do not pressure your child. Don’t pressure your child to choose between his or her parents. If your child is old enough to express a preference in court, you should do your best not to pressure your child. Having to state a preference is stressful enough without added parental pressure.
4. Get support. Even if your child custody battle is very time consuming, make sure your child maintains healthy relationships with friends and family members. Don’t hesitate to meet with a child or family therapist if you think you need help coping with your new situation.
5. Take a break. Don’t be so overwhelmed by your child custody case that you forget to actually live your life and do fun things with your children. It is easy to get caught up in the struggle, and forget that your children need time to be kids, and to relax and play, no matter how big they are.
6. Talk to your child: Even big kids need to be reminded that even though their parents are divorcing, they are loved and will be cared for. Make sure your children know that your problems are not their fault, and that they did not do anything wrong. Allow your child to express his or her feelings, without judgment, whether you think they are “right” or not.

While every child and every custody battle is unique, heeding the above advice will lessen the impact your custody battle has on your children.

A new version of Custody X Change has just been released! This new version offers a way to track visitation time and keep notes about visitation. We are very excited to offer this feature to people and we hope it is useful.

If you already have Custody X Change, you can update your version to include tracking. If you don’t have it, you can go to the Custody X Change homepage to get a free 30 day trial to see how the program can help your custody situation.

Parents who want equal time with their children should try a shared parenting arrangement. Shared parenting is another word for joint custody or co-parenting. Some of the previous posts cover examples and samples of different custody schedules. We’ll look at a few more of those in this post. These are some custody schedules that work with shared parenting.

1. 2/2/3 Custody Schedule. In this custody schedule, one parent has the child for two days, the other parent has the child for the next two days, and then the child goes back to the parent for a three day weekend. It ends up working out that each parent has two days with the child during the week and the parents alternate with a long weekend. Here is a calendar view to make it more clear.

You can see with this schedule that the parents have an equal amount of time with the children. It is a two week rotating schedule and it is usually a good arrangement if parents want to alternate weekends. There is more switching back and forth than a 3/3/4/4 and a 2/2/5/5 custody schedule. If the parents live close by and the child does all right with the changes then this arrangement may work very well for you.

2. Varations on Alternating Weeks. Alternating weeks of custody is the simpliest shared parenting schedule. However, the drawback of this schedule is that a parent doesn’t see the children for an entire week. To make this work, many parnets take the basic alternating week schedule and add some variations to it. A common thing to do is to add an evening visit during the week with the other parent.

You can see that the visit allows the other parent some time during the week with the other parent so it isn’t too long. You could also make this an overnight visit if you wanted.

This could also be labeled a 4/1/2 rotating schedule. You don’t really see that as a common term though–it’s easier to just think of it as alternating weeks of custody with an overnight visit.

The pattern that emerges with all of these schedules, is that to make a shared parenting arrangement, simply divide up a week or two week time period equally between the parents. Then you can have that be your repeating cycle. You can set up anything that works for you. Perhaps it works best for you to have the child live with one parent, but the other parent takes them after school and on Friday night. Experiment with some different custody calendars and see what looks good to you.